


Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy: A Home for the Holidays

by Finsfall



Series: A Trio of Troublemakers [1]
Category: DCU (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: Children, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, Gotham City - Freeform, Mild Language, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21684982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finsfall/pseuds/Finsfall
Summary: Harley confides in Ivy about a daughter she gave up years prior, and the pair set out to find her.
Relationships: Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy
Series: A Trio of Troublemakers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728757
Comments: 12
Kudos: 177





	1. Old Memories

Snow fell softly outside in the streets of Gotham. Dancing in the light cast by the streetlamps, the flakes cast their spell over the buildings. Grime covered sidewalks gained a pristine coat, and walls sparkled where icicles clung to their surfaces. The drifts building upon the gargoyles softened their edges until one could have almost sworn they looked downright friendly. The citizens of Gotham seemed as changed as the city around them, bustling about their business with smiles on their faces, and even a nod or too for the people they passed along the way. Music rang in the chill air from the carolers who found the courage the brave both the cold and the city’s nightlife. And from the smallest apartment to the most lavish mansion, all was decked out in holiday cheer, as for once, Gotham showed the world that it's gentler side.

In a penthouse located in one of the most foreboding of Gotham’s districts, two of the city’s more famous citizens were enjoying a quiet night in. A fire crackled merrily in the hearth, keeping the room cozy even as the snow continued to drift down upon the skylights. Plants of all kinds lined the walls, many overreaching their pots to curl around irrigation pipes built into the ceiling. From the rug before the fire, one of the hyenas snorted in his sleep causing all of the nearby plants to flinch. He rolled over atop his companion, and as he resumed snoring, the foliage relaxed. 

“I think your babies have been chewing on my plants again.” Ivy raised an eyebrow at Harley, who looked up from the tub of popcorn and gumdrops she’d been shoving in her face with feigned innocence. 

“What makes ya think that?” She reached into the tub and offered Ivy a handful. “Want some? It’s salty sweet goodness!” 

Ivy regarded the tub with distaste. “Uh, I’m good. And no changing the subject here!” She pointed to the fireplace where one of her plants was currently doing its level best to drag its pot up from the hearth to the mantlepiece. “They’re stressing out the Clematis so much so that the flowers have worry lines. While I am concerned about how this may affect growth, I am more worried for the hyenas’ safety. Some of my creations are not exactly edible, unless you want it to be the last thing you eat. I told you that if Bud and Lou were going to live here with us, then you were going to have to housebreak them, and that includes teaching them not to poison themselves!”

“I know, I know, and I have made progress with that.” Harley grinned, “They don’t go after tha moving plants anymore, not since your rose bush slapped them, so all we have to do is train ‘em out of attacking the quiet ones. I was thinking something along the lines of a squirt bottle filled with peppermint? They hate the smell for some reason, won’t go near it.” 

“Well as long as you are working on it, that’s all I ask.” Ivy settled deeper into the couch, pulling the red and black checked blanket they were cuddled under across her shoulders. “Ready to get this movie night started?”

“You betcha! I’ve got movies for days!” Harley held up a fistfull of DVDs. Choosing one at random, she dashed over to the tv and popped on in. “Let’s see how long you can last. I’ll bet you don’t start fadin’ till the fifth one.”

“I tend to get up with the sun as you well know, so I’ll bet I start falling asleep by number three.”

“Naw. Five. I threw in a couple of nature documentaries this time.” Harley slipped back under the blanket and put her arm around Ivy. “You’ll never beat my four day streak, but we can get close.”

Three buckets of Harley’s candy/popcorn concoction, an entire takeout pizza, two orders of chicken wings (mostly eaten by the hyenas) and six movies later, Harley was still going strong. Ivy had given up around the second half of the fourth movie, and was lightly dozing against Harley’s shoulder when something wet dropped onto her cheek.

“What the?” Ivy jolted awake. “Is the roof leaking agai…?” She stopped what she was about to say as she looked up to find Harley silently sobbing, eyes glued to the tv screen. “Peanut, what’s wrong?”

“They died. His parents died and then he had to live with relatives who hated him! They made him live in a closet, clean up after their fat son, and shamed him at every possible turn!” Harley pointed at the screen, finger shaking. “How dare they? They were supposed to love him, treat him like their own, charish him when his real parents couldn’t. Is that what the world is really like for orphans? We have to do something Ivy!”

Ivy glanced over at Harry Potter, currently grabbing for letters in the Dursley’s home, and put her arm around Harley. “Alright, I think that this evening has gone on for long enough. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Harley jerked out of her hug, and clamped her hands on Ivy’s shoulder’s instead. “But Ivy, you don’t understand! What if that’s what life’s like for my daughter? What if she’s locked ina closet somewhere? What if she’s forced to live with a bully who beats her up, and parents who treat her worse than dirt!?”

Ivy’s world froze for a second as her brain tried and failed to process what she’d just heard. “Your what?”

Harley blinked, taking in the incredulous look on Ivy’s face. Biting her lip, Harley seemed to sink into herself. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just ignore me, all tha sugar has got me rambling.” She wiped the tears quickly off her face with her sleeve, and put on a shaky smile. You want me to toss the comforter in tha dryer so it’ll be all tosty when we go to bed?” Harley moved to get up, but stopped as Ivy grabbed her hand.

“Harley, why did you never mention that you had a daughter? How come you never told me?”

Ivy watched as Harley’s back tensed, like she was bracing for a blow. “Mr. J didn’t like kids, so I never really talked about it. An’ with you, we’re always so busy avoiding Bats, it just never came up. I’m sorry Pam. Don’ worry, I won’t mention her again.” 

Ivy sighed. “Come here, Sweet pea.” She patted the couch beside her.

Harley sat, and Ivy wrapped her arm around her. With her free hand, she gently turned Harley’s face to her and kissed her. “I’m not mad at you, just surprised. After all the time we’d spent together, I thought I knew your past, but it turns out that I still have much to learn.”  
She snuggled up to Harley’s side, “If you’re ready to tell me, I want to listen, but I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re not ready to. Just know that I’m here for you, and that nothing on earth could ever stop me from loving you.”

Harley sniffed, “Awe, Pam, you’re gonna make me cry again!” Wiping her eyes again, Harley grimaced at the smears left by her makeup. “My eyeliner is never going to recover from this. Remind me to buy waterproof stuff next time we’re out.”

“Noted and logged.” Ivy yawned. Taking a quick look at Harley, she decided to offer an out if she needed one. “We could go to bed if you want. I know a great place that serves all-you-can-eat breakfast right next to a makeup store that we could visit tomorrow.” 

“Really? All I can eat?” Harley bounced a little in place, then visibly checked herself. “If it’s all the same to you, Red, I think we might as well get this conversation over with. You may not want to get breakfast with me after you’ve heard it.” Ivy moved to protest, and Harley put a finger on her lips. “Just let me finish it in one swoop okay? I gotta get it off my chest.”

Untangling herself from Ivy, Harley crossed the room and plopped next to her hyenas. Burying her hands in Lou’s fur, she stared into the flames flickering in the grate. “It was actually around this time of year that it happened ya know. All the holiday cheer outside, the carols, the presents, the decorations, everything just reminds me of her.” 

A log popped, and Lou grunted in his sleep as Harley dug her fingers in deeper. “I hadn’t known Joker that long. We’d been goin’ steady for about a year or so, causing chaos, giving Batman the slip, and playing pranks on innocent bystanders. It was all fun and games with him, except when it wasn’t. Even back then I knew something was off. The mood swings, the violence, it always ended in an apology, but the problems never really stopped. I was young and in love, and it blinded me to what was going on.” She bit her lip and fell silent for a moment lost in the memories. “Hindsight really is twenty/twenty.”

Wrenching herself out of her revere, Harley plunged on ahead. “Anyway, I’d been feeling off for a few weeks that spring. Had nausea, dizziness, an’ just felt kinda icky overall. At first I’d chalked it up to some of the things we’d done. Joker liked to play with chemicals, an’ I’d occasionally be his test subject as you know, so I’d felt worse. But it stuck with me like molasses. One evening I waited until the boys were out robbing, and I booked myself a doctor’s appointment. Being pregnant hadn’t even occurred to me. With the whole skin bleaching thing, Joker’s mood swings, and our seriously unhealthy lifestyle, I didn’t really think it was even possible.”

Harley glanced sidelong at Ivy, “I was shocked when I heard the news. Then I was terrified. Mr. J had always hated kids, too little, too fragile, an’ too easy to scare for him. He’d ranted to me on several occasions about how the human race was better off without them, and there I was, about to have his child. So I did what I had to to keep the kid safe. I called my family, begged them to let me stay until the baby was born, an’ I left the Joker a note explainin’ that I’d be gone for a time. An’ do you know what? He didn’t even call. Not once, an’ I was gone for nearly a year. To this day, I will never really understand why I went back to him after that.” Her eyes glazed over for a moment with some emotion Ivy couldn’t place. Thinking about all of the stories Harley had told her about the Joker over the years, Ivy bit her tongue and waited for Harley to continue at her own pace. Inside she was seething.

If that Meatbag ever gets out of Arkham, I will personally throw him a farewell party. Ivy promised to herself as Harley worked up the courage to continue. It’ll be to die for.

Giving the hyena another pat, Harley plowed ahead, still looking anywhere but Ivy. “It was almost Christmas time when my Lucy was born. She was perfect. Soft skin, blond hair like mine, and a wail that could deafen a banshee. Holding her there on my lap, it was like I’d finally found a missing piece of my world. We had ten minutes, and forty-three seconds together before the social worker came to take her. Letting her go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” Tears slid down her cheeks and Harley buried her face in Lou’s belly fluff. 

“Every time I spend another one of her birthdays without her, my heart breaks a little more. Maybe, if I just knew what happened to her, if she was happy, ya know? I could move on. But between Arkham, therapy, and getting my life back together I haven’t found the time. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m afraid what she’ll think even if I do visit her. Who’d want Harley Quinn as their mom?”

Ivy plopped down beside Harley on the floor, and snagged a box of tissues with a nearby vine. Offering one to Harley, she waited until Harley finished blowing her nose before speaking. “I don’t know about that last bit Peanut, I think a ton of kids would love to have you as their mom. What other parent would let you eat candy for breakfast, help you play pranks on your teachers, and teach you the ABC’s of weaponry instead of yelling at you for running with scissors?” Ivy paused, “Maybe we’d need to have a talk about that last part. But more than anything, children just want to know that they’re loved, and you are one of the most loving people I know. I think you’d make a mom anyone would be proud to have.”

“Ya really think so?”

“I know so.”

Harley sniffed, and launched herself at Ivy, knocking her down in her enthusiasm. “Oooff, maybe some warning next time?” Ivy exhaled as Harley did her best to smother her with affection. 

“No promises.” Harley looked down at Ivy beneath her and shook her head. “How did I ever get lucky enough ta end up with you?”

“I wonder the same thing every day.” Ivy grinned, and playfully shoved Harley’s shoulder. “Now get off, we were having a serious conversation here.” 

Harley tickled her instead. The hyenas grumbled, and gave up their rug by the fire as the tickle war raged. Leaving the room, they found a nice quiet spot on the bed, away from all of the flailing limbs. Moments later, the two women lay side-by-side on the floor giggling and breathless. Staring up at the snowflakes still gently sifting down onto the skylights above, Ivy broke the silence first. 

“Since we’re sharing rather deep and highly personal stories, I have a confession to make.” Waving a hand at the roses trailing along the ceiling pipes, Ivy began to weave them together. “You know how I became like this, yes?”

“Yeah, some professor named Wood who was a good-for-nothing waste of air used your affection for him like his personal favors bank.” Harley glared at the pipes. “If he wasn’t already dead, I’d like ta lock him in a room with Mr. J an’ see what happened.”

Ivy smiled ruefully at that mental picture. “With our luck, they’d have gotten along.” 

Coaxing one of the vines into bloom, she told her tale as the flowers opened one by one above them. “You are mostly correct. His name was Jason Woodrue, and he was a brilliant man. If I had been older when we met, perhaps I would have been able to see beyond that to the rotten core within, but I was young, and I was head-over-heels. Where I saw love, he saw opportunity. Woodrue used me as his guinea pig until that final poisonous experiment nearly left me dead, and then he tossed me aside like I was nothing. When I woke up in the lab with poison in my veins and the all of the plants in the lab clamoring for my attention, he was gone. I later found out he took his research results and left the country when I’d crashed, only to perform the same experiment on himself soon after with rather worse results.”

She smiled at that, but the expression quickly died as her own painful memories came flooding back. “The betrayal broke me apart, and it took me years to relearn how to trust again. During that time the plants were my only friends. I learned how to use my new powers, but I soon realized that they came at a cost. A cost I’m not certain I would have willingly paid.” A pained look flickered across Ivy’s face. “My blood is so toxic that mere contact with it is fatal. And while I have learned how to control the toxicity of my skin, if I become too distracted my touch becomes deadly as well.”

“But ya came up with a vaccine for that.” Harley flexed her right arm. “And i’m up to date with my shots. You haven’t poisoned anyone on accident in years.”

“I can’t have children Harley. All the poisons in my blood make it impossible.” Ivy released the roses she’d been playing with. “Growing up, I’d always thought I’d have kids at some point. Finding out that that dream had been stolen away with my humanity was a blow that I still haven’t fully recovered from. Hearing about your daughter tonight brought all of the rushing back. For the first time since my transformation, I actually started dreaming about being a parent again.”

Ivy rolled over and faced Harley, “I know this is sudden, and this is a really serious conversation to be having at…” Ivy checked her watch, “Goddess, four am? We really need to go to bed. But, how would you feel about adoption?”

“Adoption? You mean you want to find Lucy? You’d really be ok with that?”

“More than ok with it.” Ivy smiled at Harley, “Just think, we could send her off the school with homemade lunches, brag about her to the other moms at PTA meetings, and cheer her on when she competed in science fairs!”

“Or sports, I was always good at sports.” Harley grinned back. “If another kid dared bully her, we’d teach him that our girl is not to be messed with! She’d know that we’d always have her back.”

“And that we’d support her no matter what she wanted to do in life, even if it was something unexpected, like becoming a police officer.” Ivy chuckled, “That would be a fun one to explain to her fellow officers, “Hi, my parents were supervillains, what did your parents do?”

“Any boyfriend or girlfriend she brought home we’d do our best not to kill. But I’d definitely keep my big guns handy.” Harley mimed holding a bazooka. “Get your paws off my girl or taste fire ya fiend!”

They both imagined that scene for a moment with smiles on their faces. This time it was Harley who broke the silence first. “Ivy, I can’t tell ya how happy I am right now, and how much I want this dream ta come true. But what if she’s already been adopted? It’s been six years since I gave her up. What if she already has a family?”

“Then,” Ivy said, “We find them and ask to be a part of her life. If they are any good, they will understand the changes you’ve been making, how you’ve been working hard to be a better person these past few years. If we do figure out that she’s already happy and cared for, then there are hundreds of other children less fortunate in Gotham that could use a home. We’d visit her often, and our kid would be like her little brother or sister.” 

Ivy stretched and stood up. Offering a hand to Harley, she used the other to turn off the tv. “But that all remains to be seen. How about we get some sleep for now, and begin the hunt in the morning? I know a person who can get us interviews with several adoption agencies in the area, did them a couple of favors and they owes me one. What do you say?”

“Kittens covered in cotton candy couldn't drag me away!” Harley kissed Ivy as they made their way to bed. “Did I tell you how much I love ya recently? ‘Cause you’re the apple a my eye.” 

“Oh stop it!” Ivy shoved Harley onto the bed, and the two of them didn’t get to sleep until much later.


	2. Fears, Files, and Really Excellent Waffles

Harley woke the next morning to the smell of frying bacon and chemicals. More asleep than awake, she staggered zombie-like into the kitchen to find Ivy hard at work. Laid out on the table was a veritable breakfast buffet. Scrambled eggs, toast, sectioned grapefruit, waffles and the bacon she’d been smelling all patiently waiting to be devoured. The one responsible for the feast wasn’t eating though. Ivy was bending over a microscope resting on the kitchen island that she’d turned into a makeshift lab. Around her various colored liquids bubbled away in glass beakers, while some green substance was slowly dripping out of her distillation equipment and into a vial. Taking the slide out from under the lense, Ivy placed it carefully into the toxic waste container they kept under the island’s sink. After washing her hands, she finally looked up and noticed Harley drooling in place. 

“Why good morning sunshine! I made breakfast.” Ivy pointed at the table. “Go on and eat. Coffee and juice options are on the counter. If you want something stronger, I also made mimosas.” 

She ran a critical eye over Harley’s disheveled appearance and glazed expression. “On second thought, I’ll just grab the mimosas and a coffee with six shots of espresso. You look like you got run over by a bus.”

“How are you so awake?” Harley groaned into her coffee while Ivy bustled around the kitchen cleaning up her workstation. 

“Sunlight and a quick shower. Always makes me feel as good as new.” Ivy paused underneath one of the skylights and let the chloroplasts in her skin swirl to the surface. “Being part plant does have its perks.” 

Harley groaned and thumped her forehead against the table. “I hate mornings.” 

Ivy just chuckled and resumed her cleaning while Harley did her best to make the stack of waffles disappear. After corking the now full vial of green liquid, Ivy slipped it into the pocket of her skirt, and joined Harley at the table. Pulling her laptop out of the computer bag by her chair, Ivy munched on some bacon as she logged on. “So before I made a mess of the kitchen, I did some research on what we talked about last night.” She took a sip of her drink and turned the computer to Harley. 

“I’m too asleep, can ya just tell me what is says?” Harley mumbled around a mouthful of waffle, “Thease er great byth tha vay.” 

“Sure, and thank you.” Ivy turned the laptop back towards herself, “I think I’ll opt for the short version, considering we have a lot of ground to cover today. I did some research on the orphanages in the area, and I found three that are likely possibilities to have taken Lucy around the time you mentioned. Gotham’s Home for Girls, Sweetwater, and Blakey’s Institute.”

“So we hit all of them and find out if they have Lucy.”

“Right, but first we need to pay a visit to the Gotham City Courthouse.”

“Why on earth would we need to go there?” Harley stared at Ivy like she’d grown another head, “Even with our currently clean records, it’s not like we don’t have a reputation! I know of at least twelve officers who would arrest us on sight! Twelve!”

“And that is why we will be going under our ‘normal’ identities. I left your wig and makeup on the bathroom sink, and there’s an outfit laid out for you in the closet.” Ivy gestured at her own appearance. Her red hair that usually hung in loose waves was tucked into a neat bun, and instead of a bodysuit made from living foliage she wore a cream colored pencil skirt and blazer over an emerald blouse. The shirt brought out the color in her eyes, and stood out nicely against her pale skin which wasn’t even showing a hint of its naturally verdant tone. 

“You look like you’re goin’ to a conference. Do we really have to get that dressed up?” Harley’s voice whined a little on the last bit. 

Ivy crossed her arms and gave Harley her patented you’re going to do what I tell you, and stop complaining already face. “Yes. It’s not like I put on this suit and hid my skin tone for no reason. That person I mentioned I helped out? They do contract work at the courthouse, and have generously offered to clean up our birth names in their records. They also set us up with interviews at each of the agencies I marked out, so we can do this thing legally.” 

“If they’ve already done all that, why the road trip inta No Man’s Land?”

“Because it’s at the courthouse that they keep all of the adoption records. Before we go looking for Lucy at one of these homes, we need to know if she’s already been adopted.” Ivy frowned at her computer. “I tried hacking into their server, but most of the records must be still on paper, because I didn’t get much. So we are going to have to do it the hard way.”

“Alright, but I get ta bring my Back Up Bag.”

“You can not bring explosives into the courthouse! They will almost certainly have metal detectors and bomb dogs. This is not Smallville Harley! We cannot afford to mess this one up.” Ivy chastised.

“Fine, you’re right. It stays in the car.” Ivy shot her a look and Harley shrugged. “What? We may need it.”

Ivy rolled her eyes, but gave in. “Just go get dressed. Our first appointment is in a hour.”

Harley snagged a final piece of toast. Tossiling Ivy’s hair on her way past, she artfully dodged the responding slap aimed at her rear, and darted into the bathroom.

……….

Approximately twenty-two minutes later Harley and Ivy pulled into the courthouse parking lot. 

“This wig itches. Remind me to get another one before our next undercover operation.” Harley grumbled. She was dressed in a skirt and blouse much like Ivy’s only instead of cream and green, hers was black and red. Her normally bleached complexion was airbrushed a warm sun kissed tone wherever it showed underneath the outfit, and she’d opted for simple mascara and lipstick instead of her usual colorful array. Because she’d dyed hair in a highly recognizable two-tone pattern, Harley had bought a couple of wigs to hide it whenever they had to do something incognito. The current choice was a blond ponytail number with long bangs that kept falling into her eyes. It wasn’t the one Ivy had laid out for her, but as long as Harley agreed to wear one at all, she wasn’t about to say anything. Ivy’s mouth did twitch a little though as Harley slipped her fingers underneath the band of her blond wig to scratch her scalp and the movement tilted the whole thing off center. 

“Don’t you wear one of those every time you have an appointment Dr. Quinzel?” Ivy pushed Harley’s hands out of the way, and straightened the wig on her head. “I would have thought you’d be used to it by now.” Reaching out she bopped Harley playfully on the forehead. “Oh and you missed a spot with the makeup.”

“What, no I didn’t!” Harley made to check herself in the mirror and then stopped as Ivy got out of the car laughing. “I’ll get you back for that one Pamela, you just wait! Revenge will be swift and oh, so very sweet!”

“Is that a coded warning?”

“I don’t know, is it?” 

Harley grabbed her purse and locked the car behind her. Running down the sidewalk, she caught up to Ivy and linked arms with her as they mounted the front stairs. “So what’s the plan? ‘Cause I’ve got some ideas, but for some reason I don’t think they’d be the most, inconspicuous.” 

“We get in and you distract the bureaucrats while I break into the files.” Ivy whispered under the clanging din of the Salvation Army Santa by the entrance. “It should be a quick matter. The adoption forms are all listed alphabetically by the child’s last name.” Ivy halted suddenly as something just occurred to her. “Wait, you never said. What is Lucy’s last name? I didn’t even think about it! We both have some many aliases, I never stopped to consider which one you would have used!”

“Relax Pam.” In a lower voice she whispered just for Ivy’s ears alone as all of the people on the stairs turned to look at them. “I’ll tell you once we’re inside.” Harley patted her arm, and smiled at the Santa who had stopped ringing when Ivy raised her voice. “She’s just nervous. We’re going to apply ta be parents today, an’ we still haven’t decided on which last name the baby will have!” The other curious passersby took this explanation and continued on about their business, but the Santa looked at them expectantly from where he stood with his collection pail. The pair shared a glance, and Harley reached for her bag.

The Santa grinned as Harley dumped some loose change from her purse into his collection bin. Giving a little tip of his hat, he thanked them before taking up his ringing once more. “Best of luck to you both! Some little lady or gent will be mighty happy to have a family this Christmas. And don’t worry, no matter what name you both choose, I’m sure the kid will love it!” 

They both thanked the Santa, and walked past into the courthouse lobby. Inside the place was bustling with activity. Police officers herded people like sheep through the metal detector chutes, and into the hands of a series of runners who guided the people to the correct line. Standing amidst the chaos, the women shared a look of disbelief. 

“What the heck? Did everyone put off their business until the holidays?” Harley asked as a woman with two small screaming children nearly knocked her over in their rush out the doors. “It’s like a freakin’ zoo in here.”

“I guess they did. Things to keep in mind if we ever have to come back around this time of year.” Ivy swept a critical eye over the proceedings. “It looks like the line to the right is for common law marriages and wedding certificates. See all of the couples?” Indeed, there were easily twenty couples lined up in front of one desk, and judging by the attire of several, the wedding that been that morning. “Dead ahead must be the traffic violations and petty criminal offenses.” 

“How can ya tell?”

“They all look angry for one, and that one guy, the bald one who looks about to bust a vein?” Ivy said, pointing at a fellow who was standing about third from the front of the most central queue. The man at before the desk was rummaging around in his bag, presumably for id papers. Judging by the way the clerk was drumming her fingers he’d been looking for a while and the rest of the people waiting were becoming visibly agitated with every passing second.

“Yeah I see him.” Harley pulled a dollar out of her purse as the dude clenched his hands into fists. “My money’s on him hitting that poor sod who obviously forgot somethin’.” 

“I’ll take that bet. I think he’s going to hit this cop instead.” Ivy motioned to the officer who had just left his post by the wall and was moving to intervene. The cop placed himself right behind the irate man, and they both watched the bald guy’s shoulders tense up.

“No, he wouldn’t hit a cop, that’s guaranteed jail time!” Harley said, just as the bald fellow turned around and decked the cop cold. Whistles blew, and all the occupants of the room turned to watch as the fellow got frogmarched into holding. Medics were called in to check out the unconscious cop. After some debate, they hoisted him on a stretcher and carried him off past Ivy and Harley to Gotham General. Ivy held her hand out for the dollar, and Harley wordlessly slapped it into her palm. 

Excitement over, The two of them let the crowd carry them through the metal detectors. After explaining their purpose to one of the runners, they were directed towards the far left of the building. Walking to their spot in back of the line, Ivy lowered her voice to a whisper. “All we need is another distraction. With as many people as there are in here, it will be far harder for someone to pick us out of the crowd, so we may have an easier time of it than I thought.” She raised an eyebrow at Harley and waited expectantly. 

“Why do you get ta do the sleuthing and I haveta be the distraction?” Harley complained, “You could just pheromone the guy at the desk, and he’d go get the stuff for us.”

“True, but my pheromones leave a signature. I don’t want to leave a trail, or give anyone reason to suspect that anything is wrong, so it’s the hard way this time. And you love creating chaos, its like your M.O.” Ivy reasoned. “We could switch roles if you really wanted.”

“Naw, I’m just messin’ with you.” Harley hefted her bag on her shoulder and gave it a fond pat. “I’ll wait four minutes an’ then all hell will break loose.”

Ivy smiled. Taking a compact out of her purse, she pressed it into Harley’s hands. “This is linked to the mic I have in my ear, just talk into it and I’ll be able to hear you.”

“Very spy-like. Where’d you get tech like this?” Harley flipped open the compact and inspected the mirror inside. “Oh, shiny!”

“I did a stint with the Birds of Prey a while back. All their people get cool toys. Now put that away until you need it.”

Harley shoved it into a pocket. “I never knew you worked with the good guys, when was this? How did I not know?” 

“It was just after you left for New York, kind of a short gig. Speaking of things we don’t know, what was the last name you gave Lucy?” Ivy prompted.

“I think I went with Quinzel actually. My mom was present. She’s a very persuasive person.” 

“Great, I’m off.” Ivy grimaced as the line they were in moved a centimeter. “If anybody asks, I’m in the bathroom. Judging by how things are moving, I might actually return before you get to the front.” She made to leave, but Harley snagged her coat.

“What do I do if I do get up there? You sorta bundled me outta the house without a proper orientation.”

“Oh, sorry.” Ivy handed Harley a folder. “Inside are all of our identification materials, the completed adopter application forms, and the money for the adoption fee. All you need to do is sign the papers, and get the guy to approve them.”

“I’m so excited!” Harley clasped the folder to her chest and bounced in place, “Pam, this is really happening. I don’t know, it all felt sorta dreamlike until this moment. But we’re really gonna do it! Pinch me ‘cause if this is a dream, I have a sandman to murder.”

“I know, paperwork has a way of making everything seem more concrete.” Ivy tweaked Harley’s nose. “I’ll be back as soon as I can Sweet Pea. And remember to call me if anything goes wrong.”

Ivy took one last look at Harley, and melted into the crowd. Dodging through the lines, she used the other petitioners as shields whenever one of the guards passed by. Getting through the main part of the lobby was a simple matter, it was the getting to the records room that worried her. Hiding behind one of the pillars just before the lobby exit, Ivy contemplated her options. 

I could sneak through the lines and slip underneath one if the counters. According to the building’s layout, the record room should be just beyond that door. She glanced at the door located behind the bank of desks, and at the clerks rushing about, and shook her head. 

No, too many people, and too obvious. Her eyes darted to the two hallways the split off from each side of the lobby. The one to the left by Harley led to a dead end of offices, but the one on the right… That could work. Judging by the wealth of security around, that hall likely wraps around to the conference rooms, courtroom, and the records storage. But as she watched, another three guards emerged from the hallway to the right. Two of them took up positions on either side of the opening, and the third went to go replace the fellow who’d been KO’d. 

Great. Ivy clenched her fist, and a small cloud of pink rose into the air. If Harley doesn’t hurry with that distraction soon I’m going to have to do this the hard way. She made to lung for the opening, but just as she pushed off, a loud BOOM shook the air. Checking herself mid-stride, Ivy stumbled and missed the first punch, but she definitely saw the second one as a guard went sailing past her head to strike the pillar beside her. A roar shook the ceiling as a Meta with a lion’s head and broken handcuffs around his wrists lifted another cop over his head and threw him against the wall. A whistle blew and all of the guards in the room swarmed the lion man. 

Thanks whoever you are, hope they don’t keep you locked in Arkham too long. Ivy blew a kiss to the Meta for the distraction and dashed right down the now unguarded hallway. Doors flashed past, and she counted them as she went. One, two, three, and four! This has got to be it. Skidding to a stop, she yanked open the leather covered door and found herself in a room filled to the brim with filing cabinets. Yeah, this is definitely the place. Now just to find the right drawer. She looked out at the sea of cabinets easily ten rows deep with some units stacked one on top of another. The labels on the drawers in front of her didn’t even reach “E” before receding out of view. 

Biting her lip, Ivy reevaluated her parting words with Harley. This might take a bit longer than I originally hoped.   
……….

If this line doesn’t move in tha next six seconds, ima start climbing the walls. Harley groused, shifting with impatience form one foot to the other. Why’d they hafta take lion guy so soon? He really livened up the place. 

After Ivy had taken off to go check the records room, Harley had been doing her best to keep occupied in line for those four excruciating minutes. She’d already sung most of the show tunes she knew by heart, juggled some watches a dude had dropped from underneath his trench coat, and done an improve routine with the couple in front of her. She’d been running out of ideas when the lion Meta was hustled into the lobby. The god of mischief was feeling the holiday spirit apparently. Whistling innocently, Harley left her bag to hold her place in line and moseyed on over towards the meta and his two handlers. The cops noticed her coming towards them, but like all too many men, they didn’t see her for the threat she was. 

“Can I help you with something Ma’am?” The officer on the Meta’s right asked. He was polite, but clearly not interested in hearing the answer as his eyes kept darting between his charge, Harley, and the hallway Ivy had headed towards. The other officer didn’t even look her way, choosing instead to keep his charge from biting everyone who ventured a bit to close. 

“Oh, it’s just a little thing. Won’t take long at all officer.” Keeping an eye on the second cop, Harley smiled winningly at the first. “I just wanted to know if the bathrooms were down there.” She pointed towards the hallway while behind her back she palmed the remote detonation explosive she’d pulled from her bag. 

“It is. First door on your left.” Gripping the meta’s shoulder he shoved the guy forward, and in doing so he turned his back on Harley. That split second was all she needed. One-handed, Harley peeled the cover off of the adhesive strip, and pressed the button that armed the device. Flicking her wrist almost faster than the eye could follow, she slapped the charge onto the Meta’s cuffs as they passed by.

“Thank you! You’ve been a BIG help!” Harley called after the cops. More than you know. Grinning to herself, she walked a ten steps towards the bathrooms before detonating the bomb.

Watching the room dissolve into chaos had been entertaining. She remembered the sounds the Gotham cops had made as they hit various objects around the lobby, and smiled to herself. I hafta get myself a glass top desk an’ throw a guy into at a forty-five degree angle. Pure musical genius. 

Harley filed the thought away for future use. Twiddling her thumbs, she looked around. The guy standing after her in line was messing around on his phone, and the couple she’d done improv with was busy doing the same. Elsewhere in the room, lines were moving faster now that the rubble had been swept up, and nobody even glanced her way. Harley sighed, and checked her own phone. A blank screen reflected her face back, and she groaned. I knew I forgot somethin. Shoving it back into her bag, her fingers brushed against the compact Ivy had given her. 

Well, she did say that it was fer emergencies. Harley double checked to make sure that no one was paying any attention to what she was doing. Everywhere faces were glued to screens. Despite the shear number of people in the place, she probably could have climbed one of the columns without being noticed. 

Kinda makes me question if the whole distraction thing was even necessary. Harley mused. Pulling out the compact, she opened it in full view. Like her dead phone, at first the only thing she saw in the mirror was her own reflection, but after a couple of seconds, the glass swirled and fogged. It cleared as quickly as it had appeared, and Harley gaped as an image of Ivy came into view. Holding a flashlight in one hand, Ivy was suspended from the ceiling by some kind of vine wrapped around her waist in a room filled to the brim with filing cabinets. With a snap of her fingers, the vine lowered Ivy a couple of inches, and she reached for the top drawer of the nearest cabinet. 

“Woah, is that the records room? How do they find anythin’ in there?”

Ivy jumped and the flashlight clanged into the metal drawer. “Harley? What the hell! Are you trying to get me caught!?”

“Hey! Just checkin’ in. It’s REALLLL borin’ out here incase you were wondering.” Harley grinned as Ivy rolled her eyes.

“I told you that the mic was for emergencies only. Boredom is not an emergency.” Ivy wrenched open the drawer and began leafing through the files. “And to answer your question, I have no idea how they find anything. It’s alphabetical, but by topic. It took me most of the time I’ve been in here to find the adoption records, and of course they had to be in a row of top drawers, ‘cause why would anything be easy?” Ivy finished with the drawer she was on, and had her vine move her over to the next. 

“You’re makin’ more progress than me. This line has barely budged.” Harley watched as Ivy continued searching. “I wish I could help ya more, I hate waitin’!”

“The distraction worked quite well.”

“That was a stroke a inspiration. But you know what I mean!”

Ivy smiled into the drawer. “I know, just hang in there. I’ll be done shortly now that I’ve found the section, I just need to find the Q’s.”

“I wish this thing had a zoom feature or somethin’, then I could help ya look.” Harley said. Her mouth dropped open as the view in the mirror obliged and focused in on Ivy. With a wicked smile, she regarded the compact with new respect. “I think we should keep these, ya know, for business purposes.” 

“Eyes on the prize please.”

“My eyes ARE on the prize.”

Ivy blushed and grew a giant leaf around her with a wave of her hand. “Either help me, or get off the line. We are not here for playtime.” 

“No fun.” Harley grumbled, but obediently turned her gaze to the filing cabinets instead. “Hey, third one from the left, second drawer down, looks like its got a Q”

Ivy swooped over to the drawer Harley spotted, and tossed her a thumbs up. “Looks like this is the one! Good catch.” Pulling it open, she rummaged through the folders inside. “Quartz, Qual, Queen, but no Quinzel.”

“That means…?”

“Lucy hasn’t been adopted yet.” Ivy closed the drawer, and lowered herself to the ground. Shrinking her vine down, she wrapped the now tiny plant around her bun. “Honestly I don’t know how I feel about it.”

Harley nodded, and then remembered that Ivy couldn’t see her. “Yeah, I know. My stomach just did a jig and fell into the earth at the same time. ‘Cause I’m thrilled that we get to take her home, but beyond disappointed that no one wanted her before now. And at the same time I’m still really terrified of being a parent. Like, I’m excited, but totally freakin’ out.”

“It’s like that time you decided to ride the scrambler blindfolded at the Gotham City Fair after the hot dog eating contest.”

“Exactly! You know me so well.” 

Ivy tapped her mic, “And you know me. Just like I held you in the bathroom afterwards that day, I’m here for you now. Neither one of us is going to do this alone. Got to go sneak past some guards now, I’ll see you on the flip side.” She blew a kiss in Harley’s general direction, reached up, and Harley’s screen went dark. 

……….

Sitting in the passenger seat of the car, Harley fiddled nervously with the stack of adoption papers. Once Ivy had joined her in the line, things had moved so fast. In minutes they had made it to the desk where they’d turned over the filled out forms. The clerk barely glanced over the papers before taking out his stamp and approving the lot. 

“Merry Christmas folks.”

Ivy and Harley had stared at him dumbfounded. “Is that it?” Ivy had asked.

“You’re all set. Now move along, I have people waiting.” The clerk dismissed them with an impatient wave, and they decided to leave before he changed his mind.

Now on their way to the first of the orphanages where Lucy might have gone, the whole reality of the situation was starting to sink in, and Harley was fit to be tied. 

“If you keep messing with those papers, I’m going to pull this car over and lock them in the trunk.” Ivy slapped a hand down over the stack Harley was crumpling. “And if you need to crumple something, can you keep it contained to non-legal documents? We are going to need those in readable condition.”

“I can’t help it!” Harley squeaked, “I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Seriously. Do I need to pull over?” Ivy put on the turn signal, and merged into the right lane. “If you need to stop, we can stop right here. There’s plenty of time before our meeting with the Director of Sweetwater since getting the approval went so quickly.”

Harley nodded empathetically, and Ivy pulled over. Harley staggered out of the car and into the small strip of trees beside the highway. Collapsing on the ground, she panted eyes closed as waves of nausea rolled over her. Warm hands slipped underneath her head, and Ivy gently lifted her into her lap. Staring up at the sky, wreathed in the comforting scents of fresh snow and Ivy’s floral perfume, Harley felt the panic slowly subside. 

“Peanut, we don’t have to do this today if it’s too much. I know things are moving fast, and if we need to slow down a little, that’s perfectly ok.” Ivy stroked Harley’s hair. “We can do these visits one at a time if need be.”

“I’ll be fine Red.” Harley saw the worry on Ivy’s face, “Really, I promise. I’ve said it before, but I keep thinkin’, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she doesn’t want ta be with us? What happens when we do find her? A part of me really thought she’d already be adopted ya know? And now that I know that ta not be tha case, I don’t know, it really hit me all of a sudden.” The two stared at clouds in silence for a while digesting this.

Ivy sighed. “I wish I could answer those questions for you, but I’m just as lost. Judging from what I’ve seen on tv, parenthood is all about being lost but trying your best anyhow. No matter what happens we’re going to love her with all of our hearts, and that’s all we can do.”

Harley smiled shakily, “You’re darn right we will! She’s gonna be the most loved girl in all of Gotham. But not the most spoiled, we gotta be careful of that.”

“So no ponies?” Ivy wove the roots of the nearest tree into a tiny horse sculpture that stomped and snorted.

“Nope. No matter how cool/magical they are. I think being magical makes it more spoily or somethin’.” Harley pondered.

“It’s not magic, it’s science.” Ivy’s little creation nuzzled her hand.

“Uuhuh, yah, sure. I’m absolutely certain some people in a lab could do that no problem.”

Ivy ignored that. “Well if ponies are out of the question, then I’m going to have to outlaw ice cream for dinner as well.”

Harley gasped. “You wouldn't!”

Ivy shrugged, “The dentist tells me it’s not good for you.”

Harley punched Ivy lightly in the shoulder, “Mess with my sweets and I’ll hide your stash of AAAS magazines.”

“That is not fair! learning is good for the mind, and sugar just gives you cavities!”

“Sugar builds character.”

“It does not.”

“It’s a key feature of my personality, I put my ability to consume vast amounts of it on every resume I write.” Harley proclaimed.

Ivy just shook her head, and checked her watch. “It’s getting late, and I think we can table this discussion for after the meetings if you’re up to it?”

“I’m feelin’ like a new woman.” Harley stood up and held out a hand to Ivy, “Let’s go get our girl!”


	3. In Which Stuff Goes Boom

Ivy and Harley pulled into the gravel drive of Sweetwater with minutes to spare. The orphanage itself was an old converted mansion on the outskirts of the city, and obviously the old owners had been partial to castles, because that’s exactly what this place looked like. The curved drive led up to a sweeping stone staircase that ended in a porch flanked by massive stone horses decked out in holly wreaths. The mansion itself boasted no less than three wings, turrets, and what appeared to be a barn set back a little ways beyond the main building. Ivy took the forms from Harley and double checked the address. 

“Yeah, this is the place. Got to say, this is not what I was expecting.” Ivy stared out of the car’s windshield. “Really not what I was expecting.”

“Guess all orphanages aren't like what you see in the movies.” Harley unbuckled her seat belt and hopped out. “Let’s go, I gotta see if the inside of this place matches the outside.”

Ivy followed at a more sedate pace as Harley bounced up the front stairs. Pausing by one of the stone statues, she plucked a leaf off the wreath it wore. Twirling the leaf around in her hands, she coaxed it to grow. The leaf nearly doubled in size as it morphed into decorative hairpin in her palm. 

“Come on slowpoke!” Harley was nearly vibrating with impatience at the door. “You said we were already runnin’ late! Now’s not tha time to smell tha roses!”

“Hold onto your hyenas. I’m coming, I’m coming.” Ivy replied, as she slowly mounted the rest of the stairs. “And it’s a holly, not a rosebush.” Harley rolled her eyes, and Ivy smiled back. “Which you should know by now after living with me for so long.”

“Potato, PoTATo. Can we just go in now?”

“Yes. Here,” Ivy held out the pin she’d made to Harley, who took it with a raised eyebrow. “It’s for Lucy if we do find her. A little welcome present.” Ivy had fashioned the waxy leaf into a network of lace-like points that wove a harlequin pattern.

“Awe! It even has my diamonds!” Harley hugged it to her chest. “But now I feel like I shoulda gotten her something too!”

“I think that you are going to be more than enough on your own.” Ivy strode over to the door and knocked twice. “And just so you know, it’s not just a pretty piece.”

Before Harley got a chance to ask her what she meant, the door creaked open and a matronly lady in a maid’s uniform peered out at them. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Dr. Isley and this is my wife, Dr. Quinzel. We have an appointment with Director Bale at two?” Ivy gestured at Harley who gave a little wave. 

“Ah, Dr. Isley, he has been expecting you, right this way.” The woman ushered them into the foyer, and led the way up a flight of stairs. “We normally get quite the influx of guests during the holidays, but most tend to show up on the weekends for our adoption parties.” 

“Adoption parties?” Harley asked.

“Little gatherings where the children here can meet potential parents. Sweetwater is a very exclusive place, and we deal with only the best clients. Naturally if the parents are a cut above the rest, they want exceptional children as well, so we do our best to bring out the special abilities of each child in our care.” Here the woman paused, giving Ivy and Harley a once over. Apparently their civilian appearances passed muster, because she gave an approving nod and continued on. “You both should fit in quite well here I think. I know of several other doctors who are clients here already. Perhaps you would like to talk with them at some point. What sort of doctors are you?”

“I have my doctorate in Biochemistry and Botany, while Harley’s is in Physcology.” Ivy answered, “You were saying about the parties?”

“Ah yes. The children often like to put on little plays, sing, or find other ways to showcase their own particular talents. Our most popular gatherings are the ones on Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving day when we bring out all the stops. Many new families have come together within these halls after our parties.” 

The woman kept talking about what gatherings they should go to, what promising children they had this year, and how they just had to meet Dr. So-and-So because they would have so much to talk about, bla, bla, bla. Harley tuned her out and caught sight of a small head peeking out from behind a Greek vase in the hall. The child blushed at having been caught, and dashed away through an open door, presumably off to go spill the news about the new visitors to his friends. Harley smiled to herself, I wonder if Lucy has a friend like that. Naw, with any of my blood in her veins, she’s gonna be the one in her group who looks for adventure. She glanced back as she followed Ivy and the woman around a corner, but the boy didn’t emerge again.

After what felt like an eternity, (it was actually ten minutes, Ivy’d checked her watch several times during the speech Harley mostly ignored), the women stopped in front of a door identical to all the others in the hallway, and knocked sharpy. 

“Come in.”

The woman opened the door, and ushered Ivy and Harley inside. “Mr. Bale, this is Dr. Isley and Dr. Quinzel.”

The beefy man shut the laptop on his desk and strode over to meet them, polished shoes clicking on the hardwood floor. “Dr. Isley, what a pleasure to meet you in person.” He took Ivy’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “And Dr. Quinzel, we have not yet had the pleasure, but your wife has told me much about you.” 

“All good things I trust?” Harley shot a worried look at Ivy as she shook Mr. Bale’s hand.  
“Of course! I’ve been reviewing the files you sent over, and I must say, I feel like you both are Sweetwater’s kind of people. Please, take a seat, make yourself comfortable!” He pulled the two plush leather chairs before his desk out for them, and turned to the woman who’d brought them in once they were seated. “Thank you Mary. The next couple should be arriving at three, so you are free to go take a break until then.”

“I shall leave you all to get acquainted in that case.” Mary winked at the women, “Hopefully I’ll be seeing you both again soon.” She left and pulled the door closed behind her.

“Busy day?” Ivy asked as Mr. Bale settled back behind his desk.

“The usual for this time of year, as I’m sure Mary hinted at. Folks feel the lack of a child more keenly around the holidays, so we often have quite an influx of new applicants this time of year.” Steepling his hands before him, Mr. Bale leaned forward. “Since you passed our preliminary checks with flying colors, and you already have the court papers?” Harley fished them out of her purse and placed the stack on the desk. Mr. Bale flipped through the documents, noting the signatures on particular pages before handing the lot back over.

“Excellent, excellent! Then this meeting will mostly just be an interview, a getting to know you session if you will.” Mr. Bale beamed at them, “I’ve already read all about your accomplishments, your work histories and your pastimes, but what I need to know now is why you want to adopt? Many people make the decision for many different reasons, but in order to know which of our wards might be the best fit, I will need to know what you’re looking for in a child as well.”

Ivy and Harley shared a look. “I think that is a story best left to Harley.” Ivy responded, and nudged Harley’s chair. 

“Really? Can you tell it this time, and I’ll get tha next one?” Harley weedeled.

“I can if you’d like, but it is mostly your story to tell.” Ivy reach over and took Harley’s hand in hers. Mr. Bale was looking back and forth between them like a kid at the circus, anticipation written on his face, and Harley caved. “Well, if you promise to fill in anythin’ I miss, I’ll do it.”

Harley told the whole thing to Mr. Bale with Ivy filling in the gaps. Obviously she left out the Joker, her criminal past, and relied on Ivy to creatively make up some reasons for the years she’d been in Arkham, but the core of the tale was the same. An abusive relationship, Lucy’s birth, giving her up so that she would have a better life, ect. When she came to the end, Mr. Bale was quietly sobbing into his handkerchief. 

“Of all the things I’ve heard, what a trial you have been through all those years!” He blew his nose. “You are an inspiration to us all Dr. Quinzel! I don’t know if I’d have the strength to pull myself back up like you did. And now you’re looking for your long lost daughter? It’s like something out of a storybook!” Mr. Bale sniffled, “I only wish that I could help, but I’m afraid that I have only bad news for you.”

“Did something happen to Lucy?” Harley grip on Ivy’s hand turned white knuckled.

“Oh, no, no! I’m sorry if I made it sound that way. No, it’s just that we don’t have any child here by that name.” Mr. Bale tossed his handkerchief aside. Opening his laptop he typed something into it and turned the computer towards the pair. 

“These are all of the children we have taken in during the last ten years. So if your daughter, who you said should be around six now, was brought here she would show up in our records.” On the screen they saw a long list of names, and sure enough, there was no Lucy anywhere to be found. “I really am sorry that I couldn’t provide the happy ending that you were looking for.” He genuinely looked distraught at the idea.

“Well, thank you for your time anyway Mr. Bale.” Ivy stood up and shook his hand. “Harley and I knew it was a long shot, but we’d had to try.” 

“I truly hope that you find your Lucy, and if there's anything Sweetwater can do for you both, you have just to ask.” Mr. Bale said. “And if there comes a time in your life that you decide to give Lucy a sibling, we will do our very best to find the perfect candidate for you.”

“That’s very kind of you. Thank you Mr. Bale.” Harley shook his hand as well, and followed Ivy out. 

………..

“That went about as well as I thought it would.” Ivy turned the keys in the ignition and they left Sweetwater behind. 

“Our identities held up, but we didn’ find Lucy.” Harley weighed, “Kinda a win, loss.”

“At least we ruled out one possibility. We still have two more places to go.” Ivy checked her phone. “Location wise, Blakley’s Institute is closer than the Gotham Home for Girls, mind if we check there next?”

“Fine by me. We have anything ta eat in here? I’m starving, and I don’t function well on empty.“ Harley’s stomach rumbled in distress.

“Check the glovebox. I think you left a sandwich there yesterday.”

Ivy set the new route, and drove back towards Gotham as Harley searched. “You know, Sweetwater was a long shot anyway as I said in the office. Normally they only get kids who come from the better situations, like those given up for financial reasons or those who have no living relatives.” Ivy grinned, “It was kind of amusing to see the director fall all over himself to please us, I didn’t even have to use my gifts to do it either.”

Harley paused in her rummaging through the glove box. “Yeah, why’d he do that exactly? It’s not like we’re any sort of Bruce Wayne.”

“I may have grossly overstated our net worth.”

“Like by how much?”

“A couple million.” 

“Green Goddess of Multitudinous Moula! You didn’!” Harley tossed a bag of stale peanuts at Ivy. “No wonder he was so eager ta help.” She leaned back in her seat, and then jumped up suddenly as a thought struck her. “Wait, can ya make those number signs, ya know, real?”

“Probably, given enough time. Though fraud and digital theft are not my favorite modes of operation. You know I tend to lean towards a more, “hands on” approach.”

“It’s one a my favorite things about cha.” Harley held out her hands. “Can I have those peanuts back?”

“No.” Ivy tossed the bag into the trash. “Those were bad, believe me, like food poison old.”

“But I’m hungry!”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “We have time to stop for a snack, just don’t get anything on that blouse. It’s one of a kind according to Selina.”

………..

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe that our institution will be able to help you.” The slim headmistress of Blakey’s tapped their application papers on the table, and pushed them back to Ivy. 

Since Ivy and Harley had arrived at Blakely’s nothing had been going well. This unexpected rejection was just the icing on the cake. When they’d pulled into the drive through to get Harley something to eat, she basically ordered the entire menu. The kitchen had to make fresh batches of everything, and while the car now smelled enticingly of garlic fries and burgers, the side trip made them miss their appointment. They had to wait an hour before the headmistress’ secretary was able to book them another one, and then that new time somehow conflicted with another couple’s interview. Ivy had first dismissed the oversight as a simple mistake. It happens, and it gave her time to help Harley clean the ketchup stains out of her blouse. But while they were waiting for their new time, Ivy had noticed that all of the office workers who passed by were making a point of not looking at them. She’d put that off too, assuming they were just busy. Now sitting before the leader of this institution, Ivy was certain that something was going on.

“Was there something wrong with our application?” Ivy asked, leaving the papers on the table before her. “We were just at Sweetwater and they assured us it was all in order.”

The headmistress shook her head. “No your papers are fine. I just meant that Lucy isn’t with us. No child by that name in the correct age group lives at Blakley’s. Which is probably for the best, all considered.”

“What do ya mean by that?” Harley’s tone was clipped, and the woman hastened to correct herself.

“Nothing, It’s just that, well.” The headmistress paused, searching for the right phrase, and looking anywhere but the two women seated before her desk. “We want to make sure that all of our children are given to happy, stable home environments.”

“Of course, we plan on providing just that to Lucy.” Ivy retorted, “Your point being?”

“Children need good role models, parents they can look up to.” The headmistress plowed on. “A loving mother and father. I’m sure you can understand a child’s need for that?”

“So you’re sayin’ we’re not good enough because we’re both ladies?” Harley bristled.

“Oh no, no! I’m sure you two are wonderful people. I’m just not sure it’s what’s best for the child.”

Ivy was visibly fuming, and the vine wrapped in her hair literally pulsed with her rage. Harley took one look at her, and addressed the headmistress coldly before Ivy could open her mouth. “I’m not certain it’s tha best for children to be raised in a homophobic environment, but what’d I know? I’m just a psychiatrist.” 

Grabbing Ivy’s elbow, she stood up abruptly from her chair. “Come on Pamela, we have better places ta be.” Ivy growled something unintelligible under her breath and glared thorns at the headmistress as she let herself be ushered out. 

“Oh, an’ Headmistress?” Harley bared her teeth at the woman in an expression that could never be described as a smile. “Be careful won’tcha? I’ve heard that karma is a bitch.” She slammed the door behind them and elbowed past the secretary waiting with the next couple in the hall dragging Ivy behind her.

Outside in Blakley’s parking lot, Harley sat on the hood of their car and watched Ivy pace, the rage still rolling off her in waves. “How could you just let her talk to us like that? She’s the reason that kids grow up to be close-minded, selfish, planet killers!” Ivy kicked the pavement and cracks spiderwebbed underneath her heel. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go right back in there and permanently change her mental state!”

“‘Cause as you told me just before we began this whole thing, we have ta do this as much by tha book as possible. For Lucy.” Harley patted the duffle bag beside her. “As much as I would like to see you go all Wild Kingdom on her Red, an’ as much as I want to blast her into the sun, we can’t just kill her outright. We gotta be subtle.”

Ivy snorted. “You’re normally as subtle as a chainsaw.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t bring any of those per your orders, so we’re going to have ta go with the next best thing.” Harley reached into her bag and pulled out six blocks of C4. 

“Where in the Goddess’s green earth did you get that?! Wait, you’ve had that in the car this entire time? What if we crashed?!” 

“The internet, yes, and then we’d have gone out with a bang!” Harley moved to juggle the blocks, and had them whisked out of her hands by dandelions. “Hey!”

The giant weed carefully gave them to Ivy, and shrunk back down to normal size. “I’ll hold these until you tell me your plan. Juggle something less life threatening will you?”

Harley rolled her eyes, “I was gonna be extra careful.”

“You already casually endangered our lives once today, I don’t feel like risking them again so soon.”

“Fine.” Harley grumbled. “Remember how I told that headmistress that Karma’s…?”

“Yes, yes I was there. Get to it already.”

“I’m gettin’ there, lemme finish!” Harley held up the keycard she’d swiped from the secretary on the way out, “How’d ya like to be Karma?”


	4. Revenge and a Little Something Sweet

Harley and Ivy waited outside the gates of Blakley’s until all of the lights in the building went dark. It started snowing again during the last hour of their vigil, and a light dusting lay like powdered sugar over the Institute. Somewhere nearby a church bell sounded the midnight hour. The chimes faded away into the muffled stillness of the winter night, leaving just the pounding of two hearts in the falling snow.

Harley blew on her reddened fingers, her breath fogging in the air. “So whatda think? Is it all clear? We’ve been out here so long my ears are beginnin’ to turn blue.”

“That wouldn’t have been as much of a problem if you hadn’t insisted that we wear our costumes.” Ivy was wearing a black bodysuit accented with living patches of moss and swirling vines, while Harley had chosen to wear one of her more revealing looks, pairing a harlequin tank top with booty shorts and a bomber jacket. “You should have stayed in the skirt. It at least covered more skin.”

“But that’s civilian wear, and we’re on a mission!”

“Well, in that case you could have brought one of your full jester outfits.” Ivy raised a critical eyebrow, “What made you think those shorts were a good idea?”

“Number one, it’s cute. Number two, it has a bomber jacket, and we’re going to bomb stuff.” Harley ticked off, “I may have decided to ignore tha current weather conditions in favor of fashion.”

Ivy rolled her eyes, but let the matter drop. Turning her attention to Blakley’s, she scrutinized the complex for activity, but no lights turned back on, and the only sounds she could hear were her own breathing and Harley’s figgitting.

“I think we are clear.”

“FINALLY!” Harley’s voice shattered the silence like a gunshot, and they both cringed. But no police came to investigate, no lights came back on at Blakley’s. The women exhaled with relief. 

“sorry. i mean, finally!” Harley whispered. “You got your part of the plan down?”

“Break in, find incriminating evidence of discrimination and upload it to as many public sites as possible? Yup, all set.” Ivy held up two flash drives. “One of these bad boys will put a virus onto their systems that’ll load all of the headmistress’ saved data onto the web, and send out any new data they collect until the virus is removed. I may not be the best programmer out there, but I dabble enough to make this thing spread like, well, ivy, and just as hard to remove. I’ll have to wipe the computer of all of the children’s data before I install it though, wouldn’t want them to get caught in the crossfire.”

“Nice, that’ll really ruin her day!” Harley pointed to the other drive, “What’s that one for?”

“This little beauty is going to get plugged into the security camera booth. It’s designed to beam a live, untraceable feed to our tv at home so that we can watch the fruits of our labors.” Ivy twirled the drive on one finger as Harley did a silent jig. “And I set the tv to record anything we connect to it, so we can watch it over and over again if it’s really good!”

“I. LOVE. IT.” Harley squealed under her breath. “Can we go now?”

Ivy nodded. Harley made to dash for the gates, but jerked to a stop as Ivy snagged her jacket collar. “What gives?!”

“We don’t want to leave footprints.” Ivy pointed to the new snow. “Hold on a second.” Coaxing a nearby tree, Ivy pulled Harley up onto a low bough, and rode it over the fence and across the drive. Safely deposited on the front steps, she returned the tree to its normal state, leaving no trace of their arrival.

“Ok, meet back here in ten?” Harley asked.

“Sounds good, just remember to set the timers on the bombs for longer than that. I don’t want to be anywhere near here when they go off.”

Harley flashed a thumbs up, and cartwheeled off towards the garage, while Ivy unlocked the front door with the stolen key card. Inside the darkened entryway, she padded silently up to the first door on the left and peaked inside. A receiving room, useless. The next couple of doors went the same way, until finally under the stairs near the back of the building she was greeted with a glowing arrangement of monitors.

Jackpot.

Ivy hurried to the nearest, and plugged her recording software in the USB port in the back. Checking the feeds playing on the screens, she located the headmistress’ office. It was just as dark as the rest of the institute, and the hallways around it looked to be clear as well.

 _This could not be going any better._ Ivy thought to herself as she slipped out of the security booth and up the stairs. _Now I’m seriously worried. Nothing is ever this easy._

………..

Harley skipped into the garage and eyed the cars inside with predatory intent. “Hello my pretties! So sad it has ta be like this, but at least you’ll be goin’ out with a bang!” Dancing around with a tape dispenser and the C4, Harley whistled Christmas carols as she rigged the cars to blow. Wiggling under a Jeep, Harley reached up to attach a charge to the undercarriage, and she dropped the tape.

CLANG

 _Clang?_ Harley paused, and looked down. Where the rest of the garage was paved in cement, under the Jeep there was a long sheet of riveted metal instead.

 _Well what’ve we got here?_ She tapped the sheet, and was rewarded with a hollow ringing sound. _There’s somethin’ under here fer sure._

Crawling along the edges of the metal, she hunted back and forth along the seam where it met the concrete of the floor. At the far back, right between the Jeep’s rear wheels, her fingers met a small handle. Grinning like a maniac, Harley grabbed the handle and pulled hard. Whoever used the sliding trap door kept it well oiled, because it made not a sound as it shot backwards into its housing, sending Harley tumbling. Rubbing her bruised rear, she got to her feet and went to investigate. The door had been hiding a set of stairs that plunged into the earth. It was so dark in the garage that it was impossible to tell where the bottom was, but there seemed to be something glowing about halfway down the passage. Slipping back under the Jeep, Harley descended the stairs keeping one hand on the wall to feel her way in the dark. As she neared the glow, it became evident that it was a light switch, and she flipped it. Immediately tiny lights embedded alongside the staircase bloomed to life, and a brighter glow flickered on behind a closed door at the bottom. Much to Harley’s surprise the door opened at her touch, and she found herself in a lab much like the one Ivy worked in. Shelving filled to the brim with scientific equipment, packaged goods, and raw materials in labeled jars lined the walls. The center of the space was occupied by four large lab tables covered in delicate machinery. One of which looked to be a distillation set like the one portible one in their kitchen, but much much larger.

Harley let out a long whistle. Somebody paid big bucks fer this setup. Walking along the nearest table, she reached out and snagged one of the tiny baggies that covered its surface. Holding it up to the light, she smiled at the five tiny blue pills within. _This night just gets better an’ better._ Whipping out her phone she scrolled through her contacts, and selected a number.

“Hello? Is this the Comish’s Office? I’d like ta report a crime.”

………..

Ivy had just finished deleting all of the children’s data from the headmistress’ computer when she heard something. Pausing, she strained her ears, and ever so faintly caught the sound of sirens. And they sounded like they were headed this way.

_Oh, please oh please oh please tell me it wasn’t Harley._

Ivy plugged the flash drive with the virus into the computer and dashed to the window just as an explosion from outside rocked the building. Screams echoed down the hallway from the office as flames billowed out from the ruined garage.

 _HARLEY! You were supposed to WAIT._ Ivy screamed internally. Footsteps pounded towards her position and she unlatched the window. _There goes our simple in and out. Back to plan C._

Attaching the vines in her suit to the sill with a thought, she dove out the window and rappelled down the side of the building. With a mental tug, she called the vines back to her and took off towards the front of the Institute, hugging the wall as cover. Peeking around the side, she took in the empty front drive, and the blue lights flashing in the distance beyond and made a snap decision. Putting all the speed she had into a sprint, she nearly flew towards the barrier wall. Using her vines to vault over it, Ivy made it out of sight just as the police came into view. Creeping soundlessly into the woods, Ivy heard car doors slam and voices barking orders just as a second set of explosions went off. This one was much louder than the first, and was accompanied by a cloud of toxic looking purple smoke that boiled up from where the garage had been. Ears ringing and dizzy from the noise, Ivy sat down on a fallen tree and jumped nearly ten feet into the air as a hand landed on her shoulder.

“...............” Harley said something, gesturing wildly with a can of spray paint. Her outfit was covered in soot, paint, and some unidentified blue liquid, and she had a look of smug satisfaction on her face.

“What did you do!? The plan was going perfectly! Why are there police here? Were you seen?” Ivy bombarded Harley from her log.

“.................” Harley said again and stuffed the spray can back into her duffle.

“What? Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

“................!” Harley repeated, and Ivy just shook her head. Bringing one hand close to Ivy’s right ear, Harley made a snapping motion. Which apparently was a snap, because she frowned, and motioned for Ivy to follow. Still annoyed, Ivy huffed but obeyed. They made their way deeper into the forest towards the little dirt biking path where they’d stashed the car. Opening the trunk, Harley tossed her bag inside and pulled out a med kit. Twisting off the cap of a vial of pinkish fluid, she sucked a couple of drops into a pipette.  
“...****....”

“Still got nothing.” Ivy grumbled. “This wouldn’t have been a problem if someone hadn’t gotten creative with the explosives.”

Harley looked a bit sheepish, but didn’t try to respond. Walking over to Ivy, she motioned for her to tilt her head, and dropped the medicine into both ears when Ivy acquiesced. Immediately the ringing in Ivy’s ears lessened. Harley snapped again, and this time Ivy actually heard it, though it was faint and kind of muffled like she was underwater.

“Now that you can hear again, sorry by tha way, you will not believe what I found in the garage!” Harley grinned “The headmistress, or maybe one of the doctors at Blakley’s, but my money’s on tha headmistress, had a drug lab in the garage!”

“What, really?”

“Yes really!” Harley rubbed her hands together with glee, “The Institute will be investigated for sure after the police find it. Karma fer tha win!”

“That is all well and good,” Ivy reminded, “But are the cops going to be after us for arson? We did just blow up half of the place.”

Harley waved off her concern, “Naw, I wasn’t seen, an’ my call to tha department was untraceable, so we’re clear. The place had gas, so I cut one of the lines as I was leaving. With luck an’ a really lazy forensics team they won’t even notice that most of tha damage was intentional.”

“And this is Gotham.” Ivy grinned back, “Nice going! But how can you be certain that they’ll find the lab?”

“I marked it for ‘em. Seriously, what would GCPD do without us?” They high-fived, and bundled back into the car.

Turning on the heat full blast, Harley snuggled into her seat with a contented sigh. “I could just stay here all night, but now that your hearin’ is back, ya want to go check out that last place on the list?”

Ivy checked the clock on the dash, “It’s well after eleven, the place is bound to be closed.”

“We could just go peek. Ya know, scout around a bit?” Harley suggested.

“I don’t know Harley. We really do need to get some sleep.” Ivy yawned. “The Home left me a message saying that our appointment has been rescheduled for nine am since we missed our appointment this evening. It’s going to be an early morning as it is. I’m not sure we should to add rooftop spying to our agenda for the night.”

“But Red,” There was an undercurrent of fear in Harley’s voice that Ivy was unused to hearing. “We still haven’t found her yet. I don’t think I can go to sleep before we at least try tha last place.”

“Snapdragon, you know that the kids might not sleep in rooms we could even check from the outside. Even if we could see some of them, there is no guarantee Lucy would be among them, even if she was at the Home.” Ivy squeezed Harley hand, “I know you want to find her, and so do I! And we will. But sneaking around in the middle of the night peeping into the windows of an orphanage doesn’t seem like the answer.”

………..

“Explain to me again why I agreed to this?”

Ivy sat cross-legged on the roof of the antiques shop that butted up against Gotham’s Home for Girls. The two buildings had only about a three feet of space between each other, and so she was currently using the Boston ivy that clung to the shop’s exterior to lower Harley down to check the third, fourth and fifth floor windows of the Home. Grabbing the vine wrapped around her waist, Harley swung her legs up and over her head. Hooking her foot as an anchor, she dropped upside down, and hung there, arms crossed, considering Ivy’s words.

“Because ya love me, an’ want me to be happy?” Harley batted her eyes innocently.

Ivy rolled hers and made the vine drop Harley several feet.

“Hey!”

“I am regretting this, I am so very much regretting this! We look like creepers!” Ivy whispered, “I know we’ve committed crimes before, but this just feels wrong.”

“You’ve got good intentions, I’ve got good intentions, we’re here for the right reasons an’ that’s what counts.” Harley tugged on the ivy, “Up a foot, three inches please.”

Ivy relayed the order to the vine. “Seriously, I don’t want to be responsible for giving some poor kid nightmares. What would you have thought if a face had appeared in your bedroom window at midnight when you were a kid?”

“I woulda asked it to come in an’ play, or shot it with my crossbow.” Harley gripped the window sill, and paused to consider. “Don’t really know which woulda won out actually.”

“Forget I asked.” Ivy ran a hand down her face, “I forgot who I was talking to for a second.”

Harley smiled and turned her attention to the third floor window. Peering inside, she saw a cute blue room that clearly had held children recently. The walls had been plastered with pictures of astronauts, cowboys and circus animals, toys were scattered across the floor, and what appeared to be a cardboard train was lying forgotten on it’s side. Not a soul stirred inside, and upon closer inspection Harley noticed that there weren't any beds, just some desks and chairs stacked neatly against one wall.

“Playroom or rec-room I think. Next one Ivy!” There was a faint muttering from up above, but the vine raised her to the fourth floor. That window just showed a hallway, and a couple of quick tugs on the vine brought her up to the fifth instead.

This time when Harley looked, she caught her breath. Beyond the window, two rows of bunk beds were lined up against the walls. Each of the twenty-four bunks was decorated slightly differently according to the owner’s preference. Some had light strings draped over the head boards, others lined stuffed animals up like soldiers at the end of the mattress, and one bed in off to the far right had been plastered with stickers of all sorts. But what all of the beds had in common was that they held the sleeping form of a child snug in their embrace. Well, all except for one bottom bunk at the far end of the room. In the glow of a small flashlight, a tiny blond girl wearing a t-rex onesie played with the shadows on the wall. Raising two fingers, and curling the others, she made a bunny hop across the bed frame. The bunny paused to eat, and didn’t notice the big bad wolf creeping up behind it until it was to late. Harley smothered her laughter with a hand, and her shadow shifted with the motion. The girl paused as it flickered over her wall, her fingers twisted in mortal combat, and turned around. They locked eyes across the room, and two pairs of blue widened in surprise.

“IVY! I’ve been had!” Harley tugged franticly on her vine as the child grabbed something from the bed, and crept towards the window.

“You’ve been WHAT?!” Ivy yanked her up fast enough to cause whiplash, and pulled them both behind the nearest chimney. “I thought you were being careful! What happened?”

“One was awake, and I don’ know Ivy fer sure, but I think that it’s Lucy!” Harley grinned and clutched her bruised ribs. “She’s tiny, blond, got my eyes, and I saw her kill a shadow bunny, it’s gotta be her! Also, ow, little gentler on tha extraction next time?”

“Sorry.” Ivy was going to say more, but stopped short as a window was opened beneath them.  
“Hello?” A small voice called softly. “Is anybody there?”

Ivy and Harley peeked around the chimney. The little girl had pushed open the window, and was scanning the ground beneath. It was still snowing outside, and she pulled her t-rex hood over her pigtails as a gust swirled down the alley. Clutching the clown doll she’d grabbed from her bed, she called out again into the night. “I promise I don’t bite!”

The two women looked at one another and nodded. “Yup that’s the one.”

“She likes clowns, looks like you, and definitely bites.” Ivy concluded, “I’d say that’s our Lucy.”

“An’ she has excellent taste in sleepwear!” Harley leaned over the edge placing one foot on the metal gutter, “I gotta know where she got that thing.”

“Don’t get so close!” Ivy threw out a hand but it was to late. A large clump of icicles dislodged at Harley’s sudden weight, and plummeted to the ground. The girl’s attention snapped to the roof just as Ivy used another vine to shove Harley back into hiding.

“Hah, I see you up there! Come out!” She held out the clown, “You can play with Mrs. Chuckles if you want!”

“Whatda we do?!” Harley sank down to the tiles, a multitude of emotions warring across her face. “I didn’t think we’d actually find her, ya know, awake!” She gripped her costume in both fists. “We can’t let her see us like this! Not for the first meeting anyway! I don’ want my daughter thinkin’ I’m some peeping criminal!”

“You really should have listened to me on this one.” Ivy scolded, “If we’d just gone to bed like I’d wanted none of this would have happened.”

A giggle echoed from below, and both women stopped short. Ivy raised an eyebrow, and Harley shook her head. Peeking around the chimney again, they both looked down. There by the open window, Ivy’s vine had taken Mrs. Chuckles and was dancing her around like Harley after six cups of espresso. The girl was loving it, and shrieked with glee as the vine made the doll ride an invisible rodeo horse.

Harley gave Ivy a side-eye, and Ivy threw up her hands in protest. “It wasn’t me I swear!”

“Uh, huh.” Harley crossed her arms. “And who was it then? Last I checked normal vines don’t move on their own.”

“Seriously I’m not doing anything!”  
The plant below tossed the doll back to the girl, and swooped down to the alley. Scooping up leaves of snow, the ivy molded snowballs and proceeded to juggle them with amazing skill.

“I didn’ know you could juggle!” Harley gasped. “Why didn’ ya tell me?”

“I actually have been practicing.” Ivy shrugged, “it really isn’t that hard when you find the right rhythm. Wait a minute…” She glanced at the vine, at Harley, and back at the vine. The realization stark on her face. “I really am controlling it then, but how?”

“Maybe it’s subconscious?” Harley offered, “Like how I sometimes sleepwalk and send people nasty emails?”

“I’m still not totally convinced you’re asleep when you send them.” Ivy watched as the vine ruffled the girl’s hair, “Drat. I wanted to do that.”

“Lucy, that better not be you up at this hour again! We talked about this young lady!” A stern voice filtered out of the open window and all four of them, vine included, froze.

Footsteps thumped towards Lucy’s room from inside the building, and up on top of the antique shop Harley and Ivy could see a flashlight bobbing down the fourth floor hallway.

“I gotta go!” Lucy reached out the window and flung her arms around the ivy plant, “That was really fun, wanna play with me tomorrow too? I promise I won't tell anyone about your friends on the roof.”

“Either she’s good, or we’re slipping.” Ivy leaned against the chimney impressed. “I thought for sure the vine distracted her.”

“I’ll bet she’ll even give the Bat a run for his money. Just let him try ta pull the disappearing act on our Lucy.” Harley pumped her fist in the air, “you just wait Bats, you just wait!”

“Well if she already knows were here…” Ivy reached across Harley and pulled something out of the duffle. Seizing full control of her vine once more, she tapped Lucy’s shoulder with it as she turned to go.

“What is it?”

The ivy pointed to the window and held up a leaf.

“You want me to wait?” Lucy glanced at the light bobbing closer underneath the bedroom door. “I can’t I gotta go!”  
Ivy’s vine held up the leaf again, and slithered as quickly as it could up to the chimney. Swiping the object from Ivy’s hand, the plant dashed back to the window and dropped it on the sill. Against the weathered wood, the green hairpin practically glowed as it’s waxy surface caught the light of a streetlamp. Lucy’s eyes grew big and she looked from the plant to the pin, and up to the chimney across the way.

“For me?”

Ivy made the vine nodd.

Reverently the girl picked up the ornament and ran a finger over it. “It’s so pretty! I’ll keep it safe, you can count on me!” She clutched it to her chest and beamed at the vine. “Bye plant! Will you and your friends be back to play tomorrow?”

The vine nodded again. Lucy blew it a kiss before slamming the window closed and dove back into her bed with Mrs. Chuckles just as the caretaker entered the room. The woman paused in the doorway, sweeping her flashlight across the beds. Letting her light linger on Lucy the longest, she stared hard at the gentle rise and fall of the comforter. When no one stirred, she shrugged, and closed the door behind her.

“Musta been the wind.” The women heard her say before she disappeared back into the bowels of the Home.

Ivy and Harley let out a joint sigh. After waiting a few minutes for everyone to settle back down, Ivy stretched and pushed herself away from the chimney. “So, we figured out that this is indeed the place, briefly met Lucy, and nearly got arrested for trespassing and voyeurism. Can we please go home and get some sleep now?”

“Who can sleep?!” Harley did a handstand on the roof. “I haven’t had this much energy in ages! She’s alive, healthy, beautiful, smart, and we’re gonna be her parents! It’s like all of my dreams just had rainbow puppies in my belly, I’m nervicited!”

“That’s not a word.”

“It is today!”

Ivy rolled her eyes, and crossed the roof to the fire escape in the back. “I’ll see you in the car.”

“Come on, I know you’re just as thrilled as I am,” Harley weedled, “Come on, admit it!”

“Ok, yes, I am beyond thrilled.” Ivy grabbed a handful of snow off the fire escape and tossed it at Harley. “But that doesn’t make me want my bed any less!”

  
“I’ll bet I never sleep again!” Harley crowed.

Ten minutes later when they pulled up outside their building, Harley was fast asleep and drooling on the upholstery.

“Typical.” Ivy ran a hand down her face, and regarded her wife with mild exasperation. “What I wouldn't give to have that particular skill.”

Opening the car door, she leveraged Harley out with the help of a few nearby plants. Cradling her in her arms, Ivy carried the snoring Harley up the stairs, and after a few fumbles, opened the door to their apartment. Silently padding down the hall, she whispered goodnight to the hyenas, and tucked Harley into bed. Gently sweeping a stray lock of hair off her face, Ivy bent down and kissed Harley on the forehead.

“Goodnight Sweet Pea. Pleasant dreams.”


	5. We’re Not Perfect

Something was burning. The acidic smell cut through the Ivy’s sleep-fogged mind, jolting her awake. Throwing off the plants that had grown over her in the night, Ivy sat bolt upright in bed. Blinking bleary-eyed out into the hallway, she noticed that a sizable cloud of smoke was billowing towards her from the kitchen.

Oh, tell me that Harley didn’t try to cook again! Drat, where’d I leave the fire extinguisher? Ivy made a break for the kitchen, and smacked face first into the doorframe. 

“Ow! Shit!”

“You ok back there Babe? That sounded painful.” Harley called from the kitchen. 

Ivy groaned, and massaged the already purpling lump on her forehead. “It’s less painful than whatever I’m going to do to you if you’ve set our home on fire again! We just got the the smell out from the last time!”

“Relax, I got this under total control.” There was a mild curse, followed by the hiss of cold water hitting heated metal, and Ivy dodged the deadly doorframe and dashed into the kitchen. Behind the island, Harley was cooling off a pot that was completely blackened. Whatever had been inside was now an unrecognizable mass of charcoal, and judging by the pile of dishes on the counter, and the smoke cloud hanging over the range, it was not the first failure of the morning. 

“What on earth are you trying to do?” Ivy stared, aching forehead forgotten as she took in the destruction.

Baking supplies were scattered over all available counter space, and Harley was covered head to toe in flour. Splatters of batter festooned the walls and floor, much to the enjoyment of the hyenas who were doing their best to help clean it up. And somehow, there was a spatula glued to the ceiling. Glued rather tightly as Ivy found out when she tried to pull it down and a chunk of the plaster came with it.

Harley set the cooled pot onto the stack of others to be washed. “I was trying to make breakfast for you as a surprise. I thought it’d be a nice gesture after all tha trouble you went through to help me find Lucy so fast.” Harley glanced at Ivy with her swelling bruise, and plaster coated spatula in one hand. “But I musta forgot for a second how bad my cooking skills are, cause all of this happened.” She hung her head, “I’m sorry Pam, our first day with Lucy and I got us off to a horrible start.”

Ivy set the spatula on the counter, and enveloped Harley in a hug. “I appreciate the thought. Just from now until we get you professional culinary help, can we leave the cooking to me?” She wiped a speck of batter off Harley’s cheek, “It’s probably safer for everyone involved.”

“Yeah.” Harley hugged Ivy back, “But I really wanted to help out! Lucy might be comin’ home with us today, an’ I wanted everything ta be perfect.” She winced at the disaster zone of a kitchen over Ivy’s shoulder. “Guess that was a pipe dream.”

“I highly doubt they’ll let her come home with us today Peanut. These things tend to take time. It’ll be an adjustment for both Lucy and for us, so we need to take that into consideration. We need to pace ourselves.” 

“I’ve always been bad at that.”

“No time like the present to learn.” Ivy clapped her hands. “Ok, if you handle these dishes, I’ll air out the room and feed the hyenas. After that, how about we both go and fix up the second guest room for Lucy?”

Harley nodded and rolled up her sleeves. “Alrighty, but what’re we gonna do for breakfast?”

Ivy held up her phone, “I have the fifth street donut shop on speed dial.”

……….

Munching on jelly donuts, the two women stepped out of the car and into the chilly winter sunlight. 

“Ahhhhh….. It’s glorious!”

“I know right? This filing is outa this world!” Harley reached into one of the boxes she was carrying for another. “How do they get the apples so sweet while keeping ‘em so firm? It’s one of the wonders of tha universe.”

“I was talking about the sun, but this donut is pretty spectacular.” Ivy finished hers and licked the rest of the powdered sugar off her fingers. “I had forgotten just how good in fact. Maybe too good to give away?” She teased.

“Nope, this kinda goodness needs to be shared.” Harley went to reach for a third treat and checked herself. “Before I eat ‘em all myself an’ feel the oh so satisfying, yet lingering stomach ache of regret.”

Ivy laughed. Balancing her donut boxes on one hand, she knocked on the door of Gotham’s Home for Girls. A thundering of feet rushed towards the door, and it was yanked open. A girl of about eleven stared out at them, eyes lingering on the stack of boxes they both carried. 

“Can I help you?”

“Ah, yes.” Ivy reached out and shook the girl’s hand. “My name is Dr. Isley, and this is Dr. Quinzel. What’s your name?”

“I’m Monica, but you can call me Molly.” Molly pointed at the boxes. “What’s that?”

“A surprise!” Harley winked, “And a good one too. But before you can find out, can you let someone know we’re here? Dr. Isley and I have an appointment this morning.”

Molly snapped her fingers. “I knew I remembered something like that! Hold on one second.” She shut the door. From outside they could hear her shout, “Sister Wendy! The couple is here!” And a new set of footsteps sounded down the hall. For the second time the door was yanked open, but this time by a elderly nun. 

Wearing a bemused expression she ruffled Molly’s hair. “I’m sorry about that ladies. I’ve been trying to teach this one that slamming a door in people’s faces is rude, but what I say seems to go in one ear and right back out the other.”

“Hey I listened! I shut it this time, no slamming involved!” Molly retorted.

“And what did I say about that?”

“That guests should be taken inside and sat down if they have meeting.” Molly parroted. “But what if they were suspicious people? I heard on tv that you should never let strangers into your house.”

“They’re not strangers.” Sister Wendy pointed to a small whiteboard by the door. Taped to it were pictures of both Harley and Ivy with their appointment time written out in bold black marker underneath. “See, they’re on the board. I appreciate your caution, but next time remember to check it properly ok?”

“Ok.” 

Sister Wendy gave Molly a little push, and she scampered off into the house. “I’m sorry if that one gave you a hard time. She means well.” Ushering them inside, she shut the door on the winter air. “Can I help you with those?”

“Oh, these?” Ivy hefted the boxes she was carrying. “Harley and I brought donuts for the kids if that’s alright? I didn’t know if anyone had any allergies, but just so you know, they are peanut and treenut free.”

“They do contain the fruit filling of the gods though.” Harley pointed out. “A thing fer which we are all blessed.”

“That was very sweet of you! The kids will love them.” Sister Wendy took the top box off each of their piles and motioned for them to follow as she made her way down the hallway. “I’ve been looking forward to your arrival. I hope the reason you had to postpone until today wasn’t anything serious?”

Harley and Ivy shared a look, “No nothing serious, just had some minor details come up that needed to be dealt with personally.”

“Very personally.” Harley echoed, eyes afire with satisfaction.

Sister Wendy raised one eyebrow, “As long as it isn’t going to affect the adoption, then that’s all I need to know.”

“No need to worry. We handled it.” Ivy assured. 

“Good.” Sister Wendy held open an office door for them. “Place the donuts on that table there,” she pointed to a long side-table in the hall. “One of my fellow sisters will come and pick them up while we chat.” Ivy and Harley obeyed. Relieved of their burdens, they entered the office and settled into the loveseat next to the fireplace. The room was set up more like a comfortable living space than a traditional office, with the a coffee table, sofa and the loveseat they were currently occupying all facing a crackling fire in the brick fireplace. There was a tiny desk with an older computer tucked in one corner, but that was the only indication that this was a place of business.  
A log popped, sending sparks flickering up the chimney as Sister Wendy took a spot on the couch. Taking a folder off the coffee table, she opened it and flipped through the contents. 

“Your resumes are quite impressive. Both of you hold doctorates in your particular fields, and from what I could tell, you both have accomplished some pretty amazing feats in those fields despite your youth. I am glad that you both seem to take pride in your work, but I worry that this dedication to your careers might affect your ability to raise a child.” Sister Wendy regarded Harley and Ivy over the rim of her glasses. 

“I have been doing this a long time, and I have seen successful couples like you attempt to raise children and fail because they were to tied up in their careers. This is not like raising a dog. Children need constant care, attention, and affection to thrive. I’m not saying that you’d have to abandon your work to become a successful parent, I just want to know that you understand that this is a major lifestyle change. The minute you adopt, this child, this other human being will depend on you totally. I want to know that you both understand this, and that if it comes down to a decision between work and family, you will put the child first.”

Harley leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. “I work as an onsite psychiatrist for a nursin’ home, an’ Pam works as the head of Botanical Research at Hygieia, which you creatinly read in our files. But what wasn’t in there was that both of us have really flexible schedules. Ivy can work from home as needed, an’ I handle all of my own appointments, so if I need to take off fer a day or so, it’s not a problem.”

“Yes. Rather because we have accomplished so much at this point than despite it, we are in the prefect position to take on the challenge of raising a child.” Ivy pointed out. “We’ve both done so much in our respective fields that our careers have been firmly established. We’re financially stable, we own our own home, and we both hold jobs with family health benefits. I assure you that Harley and I are ready to take this next important step in our lives, and that we are dedicated to becoming the firm roots from which our child will blossom.”

“I am glad to hear that you both thought this decision through. You’d really be surprised by the number of families that come in this time of year enlivened by the Christmas spirit and try to adopt without having any idea what raising a child entails.” Sister Wendy pulled a page out of the folder in her hands. “So now that we have finished with the lecture, let’s get down to business. I see that you both are interested in adopting Lucy Quinzel. While it’s normal for prospective parents to already have someone in mind when they come in, I couldn’t help but notice that the child’s last name matches that of yours Dr. Quinzel. Are you related to her in some way?”

Harley fidgeted under Sister Wendy’s scrutiny, “I’m her birth mother actually.”

“Is that going to be a problem?” Ivy asked as Sister Wendy made a Hummhp sound, and rose from the couch. Walking to the computer, she logged on and clicked through a series of legal documents. Harley and Ivy waited ten excruciating minutes for her response, the tension in the room growing thicker with each passing moment. 

“In all of my years, I have never had this happen.” Sister Wendy remarked as she returned to her spot on the couch. “If this was any other city, you most likely would have been out of luck. Birth parents give up all parental rights to their children when they put them up for adoption, and few judges would ever be willing to reverse this decision.”

“I was afraid of that.” Ivy put an arm around Harley’s shaking shoulders. “The courthouse didn’t find anything wrong with our paperwork though, and we clearly marked out Harley’s relationship to Lucy for the court.”

“Well that would be because of a precedent set around twenty years ago, and the overall climate of this city we live in.” Sister Wendy shook her head. “Things are tough here for kids on their own, and so it appears that the Gotham court system officially made a rule that if a Gotham citizen wanted to reclaim a child they gave up, all they have to do is prove mental fitness, and that the child is still without a home.”

“So it’s alright? We can still adopt Lucy?” Harley’s voice trembled.

“If it was up to me, I’d still have my doubts.” Sister Wendy pinned Harley with her gaze. “You already gave up this girl once, the last thing she needs is to lose her family again. But the law says I have to give you a chance, and honestly Lucy hasn’t had anyone interested in her in all the years she’s been with us. So while I have reservations, at the end of the day, I just want what’s best for her.” Sister Wendy held up a cautionary finger as the hope bloomed once more on their faces. “But know that the deciding vote in all of this isn’t me or the courts, it’s Lucy. If she doesn’t want to go with you, then she won’t. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Ma’am” They echoed. 

“Good.” Sister Wendy pulled a whistle out of a pocket hidden in her habit and blew two sharp blasts. The office door was flung open by another Sister, the same one they’d seen last night on the from the roof. Harley did her best to become one with the loveseat until Ivy elbowed her. 

“She didn’t see us. Just act normal.” Ivy hissed under her breath as Sister Wendy said something to the woman and sent her off again.

“Easy fer you ta say. You’re not wound like a jack-in-tha-box.” Harley hissed back. “Can we leave with Lucy as soon as possible? Sister Wendy’s gonna give me heart palpitations.” 

“Sister Sarah should be back with Lucy any moment.” Sister Wendy interrupted, and Harley nearly fell off her seat. “How about some tea while we wait?” She blew her whistle again and another sister came in with a tray of refreshments.

“Thank you, but I think Harley will have to decline. She’s already hit her sugar quota for the day.” Ivy said, and patted Harley’s leg affectionately. “It gives her the jitters, doesn’t it Sweet Pea?”

“Yup, sugar. Definitely.” Harley replied, eyes glued to the door. 

Luckily they didn’t have to wait long, because between Harley’s impatient fingers tap-tap-tapping on the loveseat’s armrest and the uncomfortable scrutiny of Sister Wendy, Ivy was reaching the end for her rope just as the door swung open. Harley and Ivy clamored to their feet as Lucy entered the room with the other nun. Her hair was still in pigtails, but she’d traded out her Rex onesie for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that proclaimed her “on the naughty list”. Clutching Mrs. Chuckles, she stared up at them, and they stared back. The silence stretched on, and Sister Wendy cleared her throat. 

“Lucy, this is Dr. Isley and Dr. Quinzel. They came here today to ask you a very important question. Isn’t that right ladies?”

“Oh, yeah, well.” Harley fumbled. Sinking to one knee, she looked Lucy in the eyes. “How ta say it, uh. We were wondering, that is, if you’d be interested in, ya know, joining our family?”

When Lucy didn’t respond immediately, Harley plunged ahead. “Pam and I, we’ve been looking for you for what feels like an eternity now, and I know we may not be perfect at times, but we’re there fer each other when it counts, and we want to be there for you too if ya let us.” Heart in her hands, she held her breath as Lucy visibly tried to process what had been said.

“Your name is Dr. Quinzel? Like my name?” Lucy asked, latching onto the first thing that she’d heard.

Harley winced a little. “Yes, uh.” She looked to Ivy for help, and Ivy just made a “go on” motion with her hand. “Well, ya see, a long time ago, I was in a bad place, and I found out that I was gonna have baby. It wasn’t safe fer me ta raise a kid at then, so I had to give her up.” Harley’s eyes pleaded with Lucy to understand. “I never stopped loving her though. And years later when I cleaned up my life, I set out to find her. It was a long journey, but in tha end, I succeeded and she was more beautiful, and more talented then I ever coulda hoped.”

Lucy squeezed her doll closer, “She wasn’t creepy ‘cause she liked clowns?”

“Of course not! Clowns are tha best!” Harley was incensed, “Whoever said that deserves a talkin to.”

“I punched her in the face already.” Lucy said, “I got punished for it, but it was worth it.”

“Lucy!” Sister Wendy admonished, but no one paid her any mind as Harley and Lucy grinned at each other.

Harley tentatively held out her arms, and Lucy ducked shyly in for a hug.

Ivy hung back and let them have their moment. Hands on her hips, Sister Wendy seemed to have come to the same conclusion because she jerked her head at her fellow nun, nodded to Ivy, and the nuns swept out of the room, closing the door behind them with a click. Not really knowing what to do, Ivy nervously played with a bracelet around her wrist. After about the fifth time she’d traced the pattern on it, she glanced down and saw that Lucy was watching her from over Harley’s shoulder. 

“That’s pretty.” 

“Oh, you like it?” Ivy knelt down on the floor beside them, and held out the bracelet for Lucy’s inspection. It was made of a dark wood carved in a pattern of ivy leaves with a wash of red lacquer over the surface. “Harley gave it to me for christmas last year.”

Lucy ran a finger over the carvings, and looked at Harley. “Did you make it?”

“Nope, bought it.” Harley pointed to Ivy, “She’s the one with the talent fer that sort a thing. I’m great at breaking stuff, she’s great at making stuff. We complement each other like that.”

“Can you make slime?” Lucy’s eyes lit up as she stared at Ivy, “One of the other girls last year learned how to in science class, but she didn’t let me play with it.”

“I certainly can.” Ivy winked at Lucy, “I can teach you how to make the as many types of slimes as you want.”

“There are more than one!?”

“Now I’m interested.” Harley sat back on her heels. “Can I join in too?”

“More the merrier, but if we’re going to do it, we might need to learn in an actual lab if Harley joins us.” Ivy whispered loudly to Lucy. “She can burn water, and make stuff explode if left alone.”

“It’s ok, I’ll make sure she doesn’t get into trouble.” Lucy whispered back. 

“Hey!” Harley protested, “I didn’t blow up anythin’ last time I used your lab.”

Ivy rolled her eyes and Lucy giggled. “No, but you did break my good measuring cup in the kitchen this morning.”

Harley pretended to sulk, and Lucy patted her shoulder. “It’ll be ok, I break stuff all the time too.” Giving Harley another hug, Lucy walked over to Ivy and leaned against her side. Glancing up at her from under her lashes, she blinked up at Ivy, “You forgive her don’t you?”

Ivy froze at the unexpected touch, “Uh, of course I do.”

“Well it’s all settled then.” Lucy smiled, “No need to fight.” Snuggling closer into Ivy’s side, she wrapped her arms around her waist. “You smell like flowers.”

“No need to indeed.” Ivy agreed, feeling a bit like her heart would burst from the cuteness. Carefully she hugged the little girl back, and caught Harley grinning like mad. 

“What?”

“Nothin’, just gonna have to watch this kid of ours. She’s puttin’ me to shame over here.”

Ivy raised an eyebrow, but ignored Harley’s comment as Lucy fiddled with her bracelet. Looking down at the girl, Ivy heart clenched again as screwed up her courage to ask the important question once more. “Lucy, do you want to go home with us? We’re not perfect, we make mistakes, but we love each other, and we love you. Would you give us a chance?”

“I’m not perfect either.” Lucy grinned and she quoted Harley, “But we complement each other like that.”

The rest of the visit with the Gotham Home for Girls passed as a blur for the women. Eventually the nuns came back in and congratulated the new family on their decisions. Then immediately ushered them all into a different room where they all, even Lucy, signed paper after paper until Ivy’s fingers cramped. By that point the sun had set, and so Harley and Ivy ended up eating dinner at the Home. The meal was a quiet affair, as the nuns had a “no talking at the table” policy, but that didn’t stop the kids from whispering to one another about the strangers in their midst.   
By the time the nuns took them all upstairs for Lucy’s things, the women had heard rumors about themselves ranging from “they’re Lucy’s new parents”, which was true, to “they’re secret agents recruiting kids for spy missions” which was definitely not. They were both getting a little tired of all the attention, and fetching Lucy’s things turned into another sort of gauntlet. All of the other kids at the Home rushed them as soon as they stepped inside the bedroom.They swarmed Lucy, some said goodbye, others wished her well, and most snuck in questions about her new parents. Lucy answered as best she could while gathering her belongings, leaving Harley and Ivy standing rather awkwardly in the doorway as the kids tried to weedle their spy names out of them. Finally outside on the front stairs while the nuns all hugged Lucy goodbye, Sister Wendy pulled the two women aside. 

“I just want you both to know that we are here for you if you ever have any trouble.” She nodded towards the girl. “We know that parenting is hard, and sometimes the transition can be a bit much, so if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to give us a ring. I know that I can come off a little harsh, but in the end all I want is for the child to be happy. That’s your job now, do you understand?”

Harley and Ivy nodded.

“Good.” The nun gave them both a pat on the shoulder, “Now get out there, Christmas is tomorrow and unless I miss my guess, you’ve got a bit more to do this evening than the ordinary family.”

……….

Harley trooped up the stairs with a groan, “Hey Pam, why’d we are we livin’ in a building without an elevator? I know it’s good for tha legs and all, but I’d really kill for an easier way up.” 

“Because it was cheap, fit my original needs, and didn’t have any other tenants. Also I grew most of the furniture in place, so an elevator wasn’t really a concern.” Ivy replied, shifting her grip on the bag she was carrying. “But I do see your point.” Turning to Lucy who was following them up, she nodded to her burden. “What do you have in here Sapling? Rocks?”

Lucy furrowed her brow, “Uh, that one has my bathroom stuff, a metal hammer, and yeah I think a couple of rocks from when we went to the museum last summer.” She grinned at the memory, “One of them is made of granite, I learned all about ge-holo-g during our trip, it was really fun! They even let me touch a fossil!”

“I think you mean geology. But I’m glad you had such a good time, maybe Harley and I can take you there again.” They finally reached their landing and Ivy set down her bag with a sigh. “Just let’s leave the rocks in the museum this time.” 

“I don’t know, gemstones are rocks, and I really hate ta see ‘em languish in cases like that.” Harley said innocently, “It’s just so sad, little diamonds all alone, with nobody ta love ‘em.” 

Ivy threw Harley a warning look, and she just shrugged, “I’m just sayin’.”

Ivy shook her head, and turned to Lucy again, “Ready to see your new home?”

“Yes! Do I get my own room?” She bounced as Ivy inserted her keys in the lock. “I’ve never had my own room.”

“You do, and Harley set it up for you this morning. I think you’re going to like it.” Ivy smiled and pushed open the door.

Lucy just stood in the doorway mouth agape for a second as she took in the jungle of an apartment. The snow was still falling on the skylights above, but it was like summer had never ended inside. While Harley had fixed up the spare bedroom, Ivy had spent some time coaxing all of the plants into bloom, and so riots of color dripped from the irrigation pipes in the form of wysteria, sweet pea, and honeysuckle. The carpets of grass in the living room area had been regrown, and the wood of the floors and the furniture had been polished to a high gloss. Harley and Ivy lugged Lucy’s bags inside and closed the door behind them as she stood there motionless.

“You ok there baby?” Harley put her hands on Lucy shoulders, and then realized what she was looking at. “I know, Ivy does good work. Really takes the breath away.”

“Ivy?” Lucy was about to say something else when a mad clatter of claws echoed down the hall from the bedrooms, and Bud and Lou rounded to corner to greet them. Skittering to a halt, Bud jumped up on Harley trying to kiss her face, and Lou sniffed curiously at Lucy who giggled and patted his nose.

“Oh, yah! Lucy, this is Bud, and that’s Lou you’ve got there. They are the best hyenas in the world! They love tummy rubs, playin’ fetch, and they’ll sleep in your bed it if you let them.”

“And terrorize the neighborhood if they get out.” Ivy warned. “Seriously, never take them on a walk without one of us along.”

“They’re so cute!” Lucy squealed as both hyenas flopped at her feet for the aforementioned tummy rubs. Bud licked her chin, and she nuzzled his face. “We’re gonna be best friends!”

“We could play on the floor all night with the hyenas, but then Santa wouldn’t be able to come visit.” Harley ruffled Lucy’s hair, “Why don’t you take your new friends to bed with you tonight? They are very good at the snuggles and the chasing off of the bad guys.”

“Can I really?” Lucy bounced up and hugged Harley, “Really, really?”

“Yup, really, really.” Harley grinned, “Now come on, your room isn’t going to see itself.” The whole family, hyenas in tow, walked down the hall to the closed door on the right. Pointing to the door on dead ahead, Harley gave Lucy a brief tour. “So that’s our bedroom, the door next to it is a bathroom, and the one across the hall to the left is the guest room, but we’ve been using it as a spare office recently, so don’t touch anything that’s a pretty color in there, for your own safety.” Harley tilted her head considering, “Maybe we should by a lock for it instead. Really, just don’t touch anything in there.” 

“And this,” Ivy said opening the door, “Is your room.” 

The room had been painted a soft white, but that was the only ordinary thing about it. Pushed up against the window was a daybed with a circus themed comforter and harlequin pillows, while most of the center of the room was taken up by a trampoline. There was a ball pit over by the closet in one corner, and the other had circus silks anchored to the ceiling. Posters of circus animals paraded across the walls, and there were fireworks made out of glow-in-the-dark stars scattered over the entire room. 

“Wow, you really did a number on this place.” Ivy looked around impressed, “You got all of this done in two hours?”

“Well, the furniture was already there, I just added the decorations.” Harley admitted, “But I gotta say, the result was more than I was expecting.”

“This is my room?” Lucy was frozen in the doorway again, “Really?”

“All yours.” Harley nodded. “I hope you like it. Ivy and I weren’t sure what you’re favorite things were, but we knew that you liked clowns so we went from there. If there’s anything you want to change about it just let us know.”

“Like it?” Lucy ran a hand over the trampoline reverently, “I love it!” Turning around she gave both women the tightest hug, “It’s the best christmas present ever!” Running around, she inspected every corner of the space. Jumping in the ball pit, swinging on the silks, and finally bouncing on the daybed, where she lay down breathing hard. “Santa can just give my presents to the other girls, I don’t need anything else!”

“That’s good to hear, because if we don’t think about going to bed soon, Santa won’t be able to stop by anyway.” Ivy looked at her phone, “It’s late, and we’ve had a rather long day. How about we get on some PJ’s, brush our teeth, and then turn in for the evening ladies?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Harley yawned, “I could do with some shut eye myself.”

“Ok, but can someone help me find my dinosaur PJ’s?” Lucy asked, “I’m not sure which bag I put them in.”

One dinosaur PJ search and a bathroom break later, they tucked Lucy into her new bed. The hyenas were curled in a pile at the end of it, with Lou shifting closer to Lucy every time moved. 

“Goodnight Jellybean,” Harley kissed her forehead, and turned out the lights. “See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight....” She paused. “Harley? Do you really think Santa will come?”

Harley nodded, “He’ll come, just like he always does for good girls and boys.”

Lucy pulled the blanket up around her shoulders, “But he sometimes passed us by at the Home. Sister Wendy said it’s because he gets so busy that he can’t always make it to everyone.”

Harley and Ivy shared a look. “Well, he does have all of the children in the world to visit. I imagine even he gets overwhelmed.” Ivy reasoned.

“Yeah.” Lucy agreed. “So if he stops here, can you tell him to go to the Home instead? ‘Cause like I said, I already got enough this year.”

“Sapling, we’ll stay up all night to tell him if we have to.” Ivy tousled Lucy’s hair, “Now really, try to get some sleep.”

“Ok. Goodnight.” Lucy rolled over to snuggle one of the hyenas, and the women quietly exited the bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

Ivy caught Harley’s eye, jerked her head at the living room and Harley nodded. Stepping softly down the hall, they didn’t speak until they were out of earshot. Collapsing on the couch, Harley let out a long sigh. “Man, that was a day an’ a half.”

“Hummm…” Ivy agreed, looking for something in one of the kitchen cabinets. 

“But now Lucy is here, with us! Somebody better never pinch me, ‘cause if this is a dream, i’m goin’ stay in it forever.”

“It’s not a dream, of that I am sure. I wouldn’t had to go through all that paperwork this afternoon if it had been.” Ivy’s fingers brushed against a set of green vials. “Ah hah! I knew I had more of these somewhere.”

“What’re those?” Harley peered over the couch. “Wait, that looks like what you were making yesterday morning.”

“Oh it is.” Ivy grabbed the vial, a cup, and some hot cocoa mix from the kitchen, and joined Harley on the couch. “But when we went all revenge mode on that one Headmistress, I forgot it was in the pocket of my skirt. So it’s somewhere in the bushes behind whatever’s left of Blakley’s. I wanted to dose Lucy before she went to sleep, but it can’t be helped. Just make sure to remind me to give the antidote to her first thing tomorrow ok?”

“So the coco isn’t for us?” 

“Nope, it’s for the taste. As I seem to remember you rather hated it, so I thought the coco might help.”

Harley made a face, “I don’t know why your antidote has to be that bitter.”

“But the reward of being next to me and associated perks more than make up for it I think.” Ivy pointed out. “Enhanced physical abilities and poison immunity are pretty much superpowers you know.”

“Yeah, but the cost. It’s so high!” Harley pretended to swoon, “I don’t think my taste buds have ever recovered.”

Ivy hit her with one of the couch pillows. “If I didn’t love you so much, those would be fighting words. Just remind me to give this to our daughter so she doesn’t die the first time I kiss her goodnight. It’s not fair if only you get to do it!”

“I will, don’t worry about it.” Harley leaned over and pecked Ivy on the lips. “I was only teasing. I’m sure you won’t kill anyone’s taste buds this time around.”

Ivy hit her again with the pillow.

“Hey!”

“You deserved it.” 

“Yeah I did.” Harley grinned, and just as quickly the smile faded from her face. “Ivy, in all seriousness, I can’t stop thinking about what she said in there.”

“In where? The bedroom?”

“Yes, about the Home, an’ Santa, an’ the kids not getting presents.” Harley said, “I know that they weren’t tha wealthiest of places we visited, but they didn’t seem that underfunded. The kids all looked well fed, and the stuff they had might not have been new, but it wasn’t like, super old.”

“But thinking about it, I don’t actually remember seeing any holiday decorations in the building, do you?” Ivy asked.

“No I didn’t, an’ just to be clear, that’s kinda odd for a place full of nuns right? Like they should have a tree or something at least.”

“Perhaps they are stretched tighter than we could tell just by looking.” Ivy reasoned. “It’s sweet that Lucy thought of giving the other kids her gifts, we could probably use more of that generosity in the family.”

“Eh, I’m not sure about that. As long as we teach her not to be TOO giving, it’s all good.” Harley pulled her knees up to her chest. “I wish that there was something we could do though. No kid deserves to go without Christmas, not even the rotten ones.”

“It’s at times like this I feel that I should remind you that you’re Jewish.” Ivy pointed out, “You don’t even believe in this holiday.”

“I believe in presents, an’ the joy they bring.” Harley puffed out her chest, “You don’t have to be religious to enjoy that. An’ it’s downright criminal for anyone ta be left out!”

“I’m still very much against all of the tree murders.” Ivy clenched her hands, “If I have to pass by another one of those unholy sales tents, I swear I’m going to bring them all back to life.”

“You already did that, like two weeks ago.” Harley pulled out her phone and thumbed through the pictures. “Got a really great shot of the sales guy running away screaming, I think I’ll use it for my background for a while.”

“Yeah, that was fun.” Ivy’s smile was all teeth.

“But Ivy, for tha sake of the children, the poor deprived, presentless children, can you not overlook all of tha plant carnage for one measly night?” Harley pleaded, “Come on Ivy, they need us. It’s what Lucy wants, will ya do it for her?”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “No need to get so dramatic. I was already on board.” Harley moved to hug her, and Ivy put up a warning finger, “On one condition though. I grow any plants we use on site. No more trees will die for the holidays at our hands.”

“Done!” Harley tackled Ivy and kissed her until she was breathless. Leaning forward Harley whispered in Ivy’s ear, “I’ll go get our costumes.” 

“Wait, what?” Ivy gasped out. But Harley had already disappeared into their bedroom. Running a hand down her face, Ivy groaned and followed her. 

Harley looked up the box she’d been rummaging through in the back of the closet when Ivy entered. “Great, did ya want to wear the old costume,” She held up a corseted mini-dress made of leaves in her right hand, “or the new one?” and waved the bodysuit Ivy’d been wearing earlier in her left.

“Obviously the new one, it is way too cold outside for the other one. But what are you doing? I thought we were going to go decorate the Home. That doesn’t require our costumes.”

“Red, we are totally goin’ ta decorate, but I mentioned the present issue. Heh get it? The present issue?”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Killjoy.” Harley stuck out her tongue. “We have to get those kids some material Christmas joy, and I don’t have tha money for that, you don’t have tha money for that, so we’re gonna have ta do what we do best.”

“Harley, we said we were going to keep criminal activity at a low when Lucy got here. She can’t have both of her parents in Arkham!” Ivy cringed as Harley knocked over a box of halloween decorations trying to find her boots. “And keep it down! We do not need her coming in here right now!”

“Ivy, you worry too much.” Harley pulled her red and black jester hood over her head. “We’re professionals, an’ it’s a one time thing. If we get caught, we can just say that it’s a publicity stunt orchestrated by Bruce Wayne, a kinda preshow for the holiday benefit he always holds.”

“Actually, that’s a good plan.” Ivy agreed slowly. “He always does something like that every year. Balloons carrying candy, an ice rink in Northside park.”

“An’ don’t forget that one time he strung lights all over the downtown plaza, and had a choir sing carols in tha hospitals.” Harley swung her duffle bag over one shoulder. “We can pass it off as something he ordered, deliver the goods and vanish before anyone asks any questions.”

“And Wayne will get the bill in the morning.” Ivy looked Harley with pride, “You are far more devious then I give you credit for.”

“It’s a gift.” Harley smiled and pointed to the costume Ivy was holding forgotten in her hands. “Shouldn’t you be getting dressed too?”

“Oh, right. Just give me a minute.”

“Take as much time as you want.” Harley leaned against the wall, “I’ll just admire the scenery.”

Ivy rolled her eyes. Shrugging off her pajamas, she slipped into the bodysuit in one smooth movement. The suit felt wonderful against her skin, like a warm blanket made of sunshine, and the tiny plants living in it’s weft welcomed her with mental caresses of joy. 

Why do I ever take this off? Ivy sighed contentedly, and tiny poinsettias burst into bloom over the suit.

“I could watch all night.” Harley took out her phone and snapped a picture. “But this will have to do. You know you go all swirly when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Put on the costume.”

“I do not…” Ivy glanced in the closet mirror and stopped. Sure enough, she’d lost control over her skin tone, and all of the chloroplasts were rising in spiral patterns to the surface. “Great. Now I remember why I don’t wear this under my normal clothes.”

“I think it’s hot.” Harley grinned, “You should go natural more often.”

“Because I could totally go to work like this.” Ivy shook her head, “You being super pale can be shrugged off, my being green? Not so much.”

“Well, you are going to have to show Lucy.” Harley pointed out, “She’s going to find out eventually since you’re partially solar powered.”

“I’ll tell Lucy just as soon as you tell her about the whole Harlequin bit.”

“I thought we were going to leave my past out of it!”

“You’re the one standing there in the black and red jester outfit, not me.”

“It’s not the same.” Harley folded her arms over her chest. “Ivy, you’re a Meta who needs sunlight to survive. We are going to have to tell Lucy, or you’re gonna to get sick trying to hide your nature from her.”

“Yes, and in doing so, she’s going to find out that I have a less than perfect history.” Ivy shot back, “It’s not fair that our daughter will think that I’m the only criminal in the family.”

“She doesn’t have to know about the past.”

“Oh you don’t think she’ll figure it out?” Ivy huffed, “She’s smart, and we’re not run-of-the-mill villains. There are literally action figures of us in the toy stores we’re about to rob tonight! Action figures Harley!”

Harley’s fingers turned white knuckled where they gripped her elbows. “I know that. But as long as we keep her away from them, then there won’t be a problem.”

“Right. Because we can totally control every aspect of her life.” Ivy’s voice dripped sarcasm, “She probably already knows about us, and it’s not hard to connect the dots once she actually thinks about the plants in the living room and the hyenas she’s sleeping with!”

“I know! I know! Lay off it already!” Harley shouted. “I just wanted to spend a little time with her, ya know, before she found out. She’s going to hate us, and I don’t want to lose her again. I can’t lose her again!” Harley sank to the floor and curled into herself. “What do we do if she hates us Pam?”

Ivy winced and sank down to the ground beside her. “Honestly, I don’t know Peanut.” Wrapping an arm around Harley’s shoulders, she squeezed lightly. “I’m just as afraid as you are. I don’t know what she’ll say when she finds out, and it honestly terrifies me.”

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing? Having her here with us?” 

“I can’t say, but you love her, and I love her, and we’d move the world for her if we had to.” Ivy laid her head on Harley’s, “Maybe we really should just take this one day at a time, let things unfold naturally. And if she asks, then tell her the truth.”

Harley grinned shakely, “Sounds like procrastination ta me. But we can’t go on like this forever Ivy.” She uncurled, and stood up. Holding out her hand to Ivy, she cleared her throat. “How about we tell her on her tenth birthday if she doesn’t figure it out before then? That gives us four years to plan, and doesn’t seem like we waited overlong to say it.”

Ivy gripped Harley’s hand and shook it. “Sounds good to me. We’ll tell her on her tenth birthday.” Standing up, she brushed imaginary dirt off her costume. “Now don’t we have some toys to commander?”

“Yeah we do!” Harley strode over to the closet door, “Let’s go bring that Christmas spirit!” She flung open the door, and they both stopped dead as Lucy gazed up at them from their room, one arm wrapped around Mrs. Chuckles.

“I couldn’t sleep.”


	6. Santa’s Little Helpers

“Uhhh…” Harley was at a total loss for words. Her gaze darted franticly over Ivy’s exposed skin, their costumes, the duffle bag full of explosives, and finally settled on the little girl who was apparently going to figure everything out before her tenth birthday. 

Lucy shuffled her feet and looked at the ground. “I was awake, and I heard voices. The hyenas weren't worried, but I thought I should check it out. So they’d be safe.”

“That was very sweet of you Sapling.” Ivy sank down so that she was level with the girl, “But why were you still awake at this hour?”

“I was thinking.”

“What about Little One?” 

“About you both.” Lucy’s brow furrowed, “When you have a man and a woman as parents you call them “mom” and “dad” right?”

“Usually.” Ivy agreed.

“But if I have two moms, how will anybody know which one I mean?” She asked. “I don’t know, so I’d thought I’d ask you and Harley. I followed your voices here.”

“Well, you could always call me ‘Mom’, and Harley ‘Mama’, would that solve the problem?” Ivy offered.

“I’ve always been partial to ‘Mama’,” Harley finally found her voice. “It’s like that Queen song.”

“She does like that song. Fits her flair for the dramatic.” Ivy agreed.

“That’s a good idea. Then nobody will be confused!” Lucy hugged Ivy, “Thanks Mom.”

“Oh,” Ivy hugged her back, the little poinsettias on her outfit crawling out of the way to avoid being crushed. “You’re welcome.” She looked at Harley for help, and Harley just shrugged. Carefully, Ivy gripped Lucy’s shoulders and pulled her away at arm's length. “Now that the problem has been solved, shouldn’t a certain someone be heading back to bed?” She asked.

“Are you both going to a costume party tonight? They’re pretty.” Lucy remarked avoiding the subject of bedtime all together. “I like Mama’s clown outfit, it looks like Mrs. Chuckles.” 

“Yes, costume party! We are definitely going to a costume party!” Harley latched on the explanation with relief. “Ivy an’ I love costume parties, so when a friend invited us tonight we just had to go. Isn’t that right Ivy?”

“Yes, yes it is.” Ivy nodded, “We can’t resist dressing up.”

Lucy seemed to buy it, “I love your green. It’s so bright, like a shiny new crayon.” 

“Thanks?” Ivy wasn’t sure how she felt about being compared to a crayon, but if it sent Lucy off the trail, she’d roll with it. “I was trying to fit the holiday theme.”

The girl smiled, and before Ivy could do anything to stop it, she ran a finger over one of Ivy’s hands. The color shifted a little at her touch, and Lucy gasped. 

“Is it magic? Are you really green? Are you an elf?” She looked at Ivy with the stars in her eyes, “I knew something was going on, nobody has costume parties for Christmas. Can you do stuff with flowers like the ones on your costume? Is that why Mama calls you Ivy? Were you the one outside of the Home last night with the plant? Is Mama magic too?” The questions flooded out and Ivy looked like she was going to drown under the weight of them. She couldn’t get a word in edgewise as Lucy kept bombarding her, and Harley decided decided enough was enough.

“Lucy, stop.” Harley reached over and swung Lucy into her arms. “Ivy can’t answer all of you questions if you don’t give her a chance too.”

“Ok. But is she really magic? Are you both superheros?” Lucy practically vibrated with excitement, and Harley’s heart ached at the thought of disappointing her. But it’s better to tell her the truth now than lie. Lying never goes anywhere good, found that out the hard way enough times. Screwing up her courage, Harley hugged her daughter and spoke.

“Maybe it’s time that we told you the rest of the story.” 

……….

It took an hour or so to lay it all out. Harley and Ivy took turns in the telling, each filling in for the other when one of them couldn’t remember a part as clearly. They left out things of course. The trauma inflicted on Harley by the Joker, Ivy’s torture at the hands of Jason Woodrue, some of the crimes they’d carried out over the years. All details of large events that could be glossed over for a child’s ears. Still the important themes remained, that Ivy was a Meta, that Harley and she had done some illegal things over the years, their time in Arkham, how hard their rehabilitation had been, and their new careers. Lucy listening avidly between them on the couch, and when Harley ended the story with the details of their search for her, she sat quietly for a moment trying to process it all.

“So, you and Mom are supervillains, but you are trying to be good now?” Lucy finally asked Harley.

“Got it in one! We’ve been trying to do better, ya know, try the whole hero thing. But it’s harder than it looks.” Harley shrugged. “Mostly we try to keep each other in check.”

“And Mom has powers, but you don’t?”

“That’s a bit more complicated.” Ivy answered. She called one of the wisteria vines from the ceiling to her, and it wove around their legs like a happy cat. “I have power over the Green, the plant life of the planet, and due to an odd twist of fate I’m part plant myself.” 

“So that’s why you’re green?” Lucy asked.

“That’s why I’m green. But like some plants, I’m not safe for humans to be around. I made a special antidote for Harley so that we could be together. It had some side effects, and now she’s a faster, stronger, and more agile than a normal person. So to answer the original question, yes I have powers, but Harley does too, they’re just not as easy to see.” 

“Will I get powers too?” Lucy’s eyes were huge, “ ‘Cause Harley is my birth mom?”

“We will just have to wait and see.” Harley patted Lucy’s knee, “But now that you know our secrets, you understand that they need to stay our secrets right? Not everyone is happy to learn that their neighbors are reformed villains.”

“I can keep a secret. I once saw Milly steal a ring from one of the nuns, and I didn’t say anything.” Lucy said proudly.

Harley and Ivy shared a look, but the damage was already done at this point. “Welll… we’re glad to hear it. We have to go do something now, and we promise we’ll be back soon, so can you keep the Hyenas safe here while we’re gone?” Ivy asked Lucy, who vehemently shook her head.

“No. I want to go with you.”

“It’s kind of a grown up thing.” Harley shifted her bag to the other shoulder. “It may be dangerous.”

“I’m brave!” Lucy puffed out her chest, “And I’m not a baby any more, I’m six!”

“I know Sapling, but it may also be a bit outside the law, and it’s no place for even very grown up six year olds.” Ivy tried to dissuade her, but she wasn’t having it.

“If you’re going, I’m going!”

Harley glanced at Ivy and shrugged, “Well, if she wants to go that badly?”

“No, no, no, no. We are not taking our daughter on a crime spree.”

“Please Mom? Pretty pretty please?” Lucy begged, while Harley fluttered puppy dog eyes at Ivy.

“For the last time, no, and that’s final!”

…………

“How do I keep letting you talk me into these things?” Ivy grumbled. The three of them were on the roof of the MegaMart closest to their penthouse. Harley was currently working on disabling the burglar alarms, and Ivy was crouching behind the rooftop access door with Lucy by her side. Lucy still had on her T-Rex onesie, but now the hood had a Santa hat pinned to it that matched the hats both Harley and Ivy were wearing pinned to their heads as well.

“ ‘Cause you love us, and want ta make us happy.” Harley mumbled around a mouthful of wires. “Is it red to black or black to red? It’s been a while.”

“Nope, pretty sure it’s to make sure you don’t blow yourself up. Red to black I think.” Ivy reached up and adjusted the poinsettias holding her hat. “Lucy, were the hats really necessary?”

“Yes. Santa’s helpers were hats, and since we’re helping Santa, we need to wear them otherwise nobody will know.” Lucy asserted. 

“Sapling, the goal here is to NOT be seen.”

“I know. We’re like shadows in the dark.” Lucy crouched even lower in the snow on the roof, swishing her tail along the ground. “Shadow elf ninjas.”

We are definitely going to be caught. “How is it going Harley?” Ivy whispered loudly.

“Almost, almost, got it!” Harley grinned as the alarm gave a little beep, and went dead. “Let’s go liberate some Christmas joy ladies!”

“Yay!” Lucy cheered.

“Shush! Quietly like a ninja remember?” Ivy scolded them both. Lucy and Harley clapped a hand over their mouths at the same time, and Ivy rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get this over with.” Vines whipped out from her bodysuit, and wrapped themselves around the door handles. They tugged, but the door remained firmly shut.

“I think it’s locked.” Harley offered, and shut up at Ivy’s glare.

Walking over to the door, Ivy put one hand over the lock and concentrated. The metal began to sizzle under her palm, and there was an audible click as the lock mechanism gave way. 

“Not anymore. Come on.” Ivy waved impatiently for Lucy and Harley to follow, and she disappeared into the stairwell. 

Lucy stared at the blackened handprint Ivy had left behind, and whistled low. 

“Yup, Mom is pretty cool.” Harley grabbed Lucy’s hand and tugged her forward. “But we better get a move on or she’ll make sure we don’t get any sweets tomorrow.”

“Can I touch it?” Lucy’s gaze was glued to the door, and one hand was already reaching for it as she asked.

“What the acid handprint?” Harley raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“It’s awesome.” Lucy threw Harley some serious side-eye. “Who wouldn’t touch it?”

“Anyone who wants ta keep their hand, that’s who.” Harley said. 

“But Mom touched it.”

“But Mom isn’t like everyone, we went over this at the house.”

Lucy nodded, but didn’t budge. “And you aren't like everyone either. So I’m not like everyone, and I can touch the door.” 

The stubborn glare she aimed at Harley was so determined and so like the look Ivy had when an experiment was not going her way, that Harley barely resisted the urge to either break out into hysterical laughter or film the whole thing for posterity.

Grinning, Harley threw up her arms in surrender. “Ok, ok, you win. Just answer one thing for me first. Did ya drank tha cocoa Ivy gave you before we left?”

Lucy nodded. “It kinda tasted weird.” 

“Then yeah, go ahead.”

Lucy dashed over to the door, and ran her fingers over the corroded metal while Harley tapped a foot restlessly. About the fifth time Lucy traced the handprint, Harley’s patience wore off. “All good now? Ivy is probably started without us.”

“Coming!” Lucy wiped her hands on her dino suit. Tiny whispers of smoke rose up as the places she touched burned away, leaving finger sized holes all over the front of her onesie. Oblivious to the damage, she took Harley’s hand. “Well, let’s go!”

Harley said a brief prayer of thanks to whatever deity was in the area that she was also invulnerable to Ivy’s creations as her own costume began to smoke under Lucy’s touch.

Note ta self, either get the kid acid proof clothing, or don’t let her touch hazardous materials. Harley thought to herself as she led the way down the stairwell after Ivy. I think I know a guy who hazmat suits, maybe he’d hook us up.

The stairwell ended in a hallway lined with what appears to be staff offices, and the two of them crept past the darkened rooms as quietly as they could. Ivy wasn’t anywhere to be seen. But from the slightly ajar door at the end of the hall, there came a slight rustle, like leaves brushing over tile. Arrowing towards the opening, Harley rounded the corner, and was immediately grabbed by her collar and yanked behind a shelving unit. A hand smothered her yelp, and Ivy jerked her head at the aisle in front of them. A bobbing light flashed between the sporting goods stacked on their shelf as a security guard ambled past. Whistling, he stopped right beside them, so close that Harley could have reached out and touched his shoe. He waved his flashlight down the aisle to the left. Harley’s fingers dug into Ivy’s shoulder as the guard made as if to turn around to check the right, but stopped as his phone rang. Reaching into his pocket, he answered the call and turned away without finishing his sweep. 

“Hey Dan, what’s up? Yeah, I know. Short end of the stick having to work Christmas eve, but someone had to.” He’s voice grew fainter as he walked deeper into the store, finally faded altogether somewhere around the furniture department.

Ivy and Harley let out the breath they’d been holding. 

“Where have you been? I thought you and Lucy were right behind me!” Ivy scolded, one ear cocked towards the rest of the store in case any more guards were on their way. “We could have started like ten minutes ago!”

“Lucy had a thing.”

“A thing?” Ivy folded her arms, and glowered at Harley. “What does that even mean?”

“She wanted to touch where you melted the door, I said ‘no’, she said ‘why not’, I caved, and let her touch it.” Harley shrugged, “If I’d remembered sooner that we decided to make her immune before we left, I would have let her do it faster. So sorry about that.”

Ivy facepalmed. “Seriously Harley?”

“What? Nothing happened.” Harley paused, “Actually scratch that. She's gonna need a new T-Rex onesie. You know anyone who makes acid resistant clothing?” 

“That’s not the point! But yes, yes I do.” Ivy’s costume rippled as the plants on it responded to her agitation. One little blossom tried to nip Harley’s elbow. “Harley, It hasn’t even been an hour yet! That’s a major biochemical alteration. It normally takes around twenty-four hours to have any effect! Do you know how lucky you are right now that our daughter is even alive?”

Harley wanted to sink into the floor. “I didn’t know it had a time limit thingy, it worked instantly on me.” She sniffed as the implications began to set in, “I’m so sorry Ivy!”

Ivy shifted a little closer and handed her a tissue as the tears began to flow. “Look I know you didn’t mean anything by it. And hey, neither of us are going to make parent of the year. It’s day one and look where we are. On a crime spree with our new child in tow.” Ivy rubbed Harley’s back while she sniffed. “We really need to set some better ground rules when we get back home.” 

Harley blew her nose, “I’ll do better, cross my heart an’ hope for pie.”

“I think you mean ‘hope to die’.” 

“Nope. No plans on dyin’ anytime soon.” Harley tossed her tissue under the shelf. “Well, I feel better. What do you say the three of us get a move on?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do.” Ivy stood up, and froze. She counted again, and still came up with the wrong number.

“Uh, Harley? Where’s Lucy?”

“Whatta ya mean? She’s right behind…” Harley looked over her shoulder and felt her blood run cold. There was nothing but the empty hallway, the darkened asiles of the store, and Ivy before her. Lucy was nowhere to be found. “She was right here!”

“You gave her that sneaky tracker hairclip thingy right? Back at the Home?” Harley remembered. “Can’t you locate her with that?”

“Right, good thinking.” Ivy closed her eyes. Reaching with her senses into the Green, she felt around for the unique signature she’d written into the barrette’s energy. Most of the ground in the immediate vicinity was dead. Cold concrete and steel over inert earth, so the cluster of plant life in the MegaMart’s garden center stood out like a beacon. Sorting through all of the trenderls of power from the plants there, and from the few weeds that managed to struggle through the pavement outside, it quickly became apparent to Ivy that the barrette was nowhere near them. Extending the search radius, she scoured the surrounding city blocks just to be sure. Finding nothing more interesting than a genetically modified ear of corn in gas station store three streets over. Ivy broke off the connection, wincing as slight headache pounded behind her eyes from strain of reaching so far.

“Judging by the size of her legs, the amount of time since we last saw her, and assuming she made a concerted effort to flee from us at maximum speed, the farthest away she could have reasonably traveled is to the bank on Fifth St.” Ivy calculated. “I swept a radius two blocks beyond that just to be certain, but the barrette isn’t even in range. She must have left it at home with the hyenas or with her doll.” Pressing one hand to her aching head, she watched as Harley processed the information.

“So what you’re sayin’ is that we have no way to find her now?! What are we gonna do? We can’t lose her on tha first day!” Harley sank to her knees in the middle of the aisle. Wringing her hat in her hands, she looked up at Ivy as though she was the last bit of dry land in a drowning world. “What are we gonna do?”

“First thing we’re going to do is not panic.” Ivy said. Squaring her shoulders, she put on a brave face even though her insides churned with worry. “You and I are good at finding hidden goods. Stashes of gems, safes, chemical vaults, that sort of thing right?”

“Selina is better, but yeah we are.” Harley agreed.

“So we can find one girl in a store. It can’t be harder than locating a secret room.” 

Harley thought about it for a minute, and slowly nodded, the immediate panic draining visibly draining from her body. “You’re right. I really doubt someone took tha time ta hide her under a floor or behind a false wall. Compared to that, this should be a piece of cake!” 

“Come on, she couldn’t have gotten far.” Ivy jerked a thumb at the hallway, “You search down there, and I’ll clear the shelves in this section.” Plucking one of the poinsettia off her costume, Ivy curled the stem around one of Harley’s wrists. She raised an eyebrow when she found the holes in Harley’s gloves, but didn’t comment. “Call me with this if you find her.”

“An’ how exactly are you going to call me if you find her?” Harley asked. “I don’t talk plant.”

“Oh. I guess we really need to invest in some mics don’t we?”

Harley snapped her fingers, and rummaged through her duffle. She pulled out the compact Ivy had used in the bank. “What ‘bout this? It worked earlier.”

“Until someone decided to blow up most of an orphanage without warning me first.” Ivy retorted. “It busted the mic along with my hearing.”

Harley huffed, “Look, not my fault. I didn’t know the garage would go boom so well.” 

“It’s fine. Oracle was probably using it to track us anyway.” Ivy waved a dismissive hand. “Maybe there is something here that we can use instead.”

They both turned their attention the the shelves around them. Weights, mats and fancy water bottles took up much of the space, but right by the end cap, there was a small display of child’s toys. There were balls, some sort of jump-rope contraption that looked like it could change colors, and nearly hidden behind a pack of lawn darts was exactly what they needed. Harley grabbed the pair of camo walkie-talkies and ripped them out of the packaging. She tossed one to Ivy, and pressed the call button on her’s. 

“Testing, testing, one, two, tree!” Harley whispered into the toy.

The words crackled with static and came out a bit garbled from the mate in Ivy’s hand, but it was going to have to do. Ivy tapped her watch, and held up four fingers. “If you don’t find her within five minutes, meet me back here, and we’ll try something else.”

Harley saluted and dashed back down towards the offices, while Ivy disappeared into store. None of the office doors looked like they’d been opened, but Harley checked them all anyway. She rummaged through closets, checked under desks, even looked in the breakroom fridge, but Lucy was nowhere to be seen. Closing the storage cabinet in what appeared to be the janitor’s room. Harley drummed her fingers on the metal door. 

If I was a kid, where would I have gone? She immediately dismissed the traveling circus that came to mind. Sinking to the floor, she crossed her legs and rested her chin on her fist. Assuming she didn’t leave the store that is. Come on Harley, think! As far as options went, the MegaMart had a little bit of everything. The toys department was certainly a draw, and that was where they were headed anyway, so Lucy could have gone on ahead while she was arguing with Ivy. Car parts and home goods were unlikely to have attracted anyone besides an adult. Clothing was bla, nothing good there unless it was halloween. 

Wait, halloween. Harley hopped up and dashed back into the main part of the store. Racing past the shelves where she’d found the walkie-talkies, Harley snagged the nearest display, and hoisted herself onto it. The cheap metal sagged under her weight and with a quick glance to the exposed ceiling to judge the distance, Harley lept. Flying through the air, her fingertips just barely caught the nearest beam. With a grunt, she swung her legs hard, and flipped up and over. Her feet made not a sound as touched down onto the metal surface. Dropping to a crouch to avoid braining herself on any of the ductwork, Harley ran as quickly as she dared towards the front of the building. 

Holidays always have special sections. Costumes an’ makeup for halloween, decorations an’ present ideas for Christmas. If I was Lucy, an’ she is my kid, I’d be checkin’ out the holiday stuff.

The holiday section was a bit over the top, even for Harley. All of the shelves were fit to burst with red and green decorations, toys, and candy. Moving in for a closer look, Harley had to dance around those weird yard balloon creatures (that people seemed to really love for some reason) as they brushed up against the ceiling. Pushing a unicorn horn out of her face, she scanned the aisles for any sign of Lucy. Not a single candy wrapper appeared to be out of place, and even among the stuffed dinosaurs she didn’t see head nor tail of her. Harley swung down from the beam. Shouldering past the unicorn, she snagged a box of candy canes from the shelf beneath, and crossed to the end. The front of the store was dominated by a massive display featuring what appeared to be a real sleigh packed full of gifts. Santa waved from the driver’s seat while his four reindeer stomped their hooves and tossed their heads, jingling harness bells every few minutes. And there, by the lead deer, with a look of rapture on her face, was Lucy.

“Lucy!” Harley leapt down from her perch. Dashing over, she enveloped the girl in a bone crushing hug. “Where have you been? You seriously had Ivy and I worried!” 

“I wanted to see the deer. They always have them, and I’ve never gotten to see them. I didn’t mean to worry anyone.” She wiggled out of Harley’s grasp. Turning back to the deer, she reached up and brushed her fingers along the sleigh bells. “They’re almost real-like!”

“They are pretty great. Reminds me of the last time I busted the hyenas out of the zoo. We went right through the moose enclosure.” Harley twitched an eyebrow at the memory. “I’ll never look at a moose tha same way again.”

“What happened?” Lucy patted the deer, giggling as it tossed its head.

“Ugh, I’d rather not say. Let’s just leave it at you really don’t want to invade a moose’s personal bubble.” Harley reached for one of the candy canes in her bag, and her hand brushed against the walkie-talkie. Snapping her fingers, she grabbed it, and pushed the call button. 

“This is Red Elf One calling Dandelioness. Come in Dandelioness!”

There was a pause, and then Ivy’s voice crackled over the mic. “I don’t remember having a call sign. Please tell me you’re calling because you found her, and not because you just came up with those?” She sounded rather put out at the notion.

Harley snorted, “Please, you think it would take me this long to come up with call signs?” She glanced over just to make sure Lucy was still by the deer, “I found her, she was playing with tha Santa’s Sleigh in the Christmas section.”

There was the sound of a palm meeting a forehead from Ivy’s end. “Of course, why didn’t I think of that? Any kid would want to go check out the interactive displays.” There was a rustling noise, and something heavy thumped to the ground. “You both get started gathering the presents for the other kids, I’ll work on our transportation problem and meet you there when I’m done.”

Harley turned back to the sleigh, noting the polished runners, cushioned driver’s bench, and the oh so important roomy interior. “I think I may have that covered already, just gonna need a power source.”

“If you are thinking what I’m thinking, that shouldn’t be an issue.” Ivy chuckled, and something brushed against the receiver on her end, creating a static burst that had Harley thrusting the mic away from her ear to keep from being deafened. 

Harley twisted the volume knob on the walkie-talkie down, “If it involves the sleigh, Christmas capers, and some illegal antics, then yeah, we’re on the same page.” She grinned at Lucy who was doing her best to pretend not to be listening in. “Lucy and I will get right to it!”

“Excellent, I shall see you soon.” There was a click, and the line went dead.

“What’s going on?” Seeing that Harley was finished with the call, Lucy trotted over to her side. “Are we going to pick out the presents for everyone now?” She tugged on Harley’s sleeve, pointing towards the end of the Christmas shelves. “I think I saw something over there that Milly would like. She really likes dolls, and horses, and when stuff has both she likes that best.”

“You bet your tail we are!” Harley tugged her duffle bag off her back, reached inside and pulled out a massive roll of tape. “Just get me some of tha paper from that display over there,” she pointed to a nearby bin overflowing with tubes of colorful wrapping papers. “And I’ll get ta wrappin’ whatever you think your friends would like!” She gave Lucy a little shove towards the toys. “We haven’t got all night, so let’s try ta fill this thing up before Ivy gets back yeah?”  
Lucy didn’t need any more encouragement. She took off like a shot, and Harley had barely gotten the plastic off the first roll of wrapping paper before Lucy was back with the first gift. 

“It’s a stable with two horses and a cowgirl!” Lucy shoved the colorful box into Harley’s arms, “Milly will love it! I also saw a thing for Carol, be right back!” She took off again.

Harley grinned ruefully at the playset, and at her semi-prepared workspace on the floor. “I guess I’m going to have to pick up tha pace.”

Over the next hour the two of them got it down to an art. Lucy would find the perfect gift and run it to Harley who would wrap it like someone possessed, tape and paper flying every which way. The finished product got chucked into the sleigh bed, and it was on to the next. They’d been perhaps a bit to productive, Harley considered as she wiped her brow with a spare ribbon. The sleigh actually groaned a bit under the mountain of gifts heaped inside. It looked like a jenga tower that someone had decided halfway to build outwards instead of upwards, and was probably just as secure. 

“Do you think we should, tie it down or something?” Lucy ventured, watching the tower sway with the movement of the mechanical deer.

“Yeah, we probably should. I’ll go see if I can find...WATCH OUT!” Harley dove to the left dragging Lucy with her as a couple of bikes crashed to the ground where they had been standing just moments ago, sending metal spokes flying. Part of a wheel narrowly missed Harley’s head and she cringed lower, shielding Lucy with her body until the last bolt pinged on the concrete. She waited another couple of seconds just to be sure, and hearing nothing but the jingle of the harness bells, Harley helped Lucy up. 

“You ok Gumdrop?” She patted the dino suit all over looking for tears. “Did it get ya anywhere?”

“I’m good.” Lucy reached up and pulled a stray screw from Harley’s hair, “Are you ok? You look a little like a tool box got dumped on your head.” 

“What?” Harley’s hand flew to her hat, encountering hair instead as it spilled from a rip in her hood. One of her pom poms had been lost at some point, and there was dust mixed with metal bits all over her costume. 

“My costume is gonna need some stitches.” She tugged at a rip over her knee and sighed. “I just fixed this thing last week!”

“You’re not hurt are you? I do know some first aid if you are.” Harley must have looked worse than she thought because Lucy wouldn’t stop staring at her like she was going to keel over or something.

She bent down and kissed her daughter. “I think I’m good, but just to be sure…” With exaggerated movements, Harley gave herself a pat down, “Arms, check, legs, check, face, check. I seem to be all here.” She bent the limbs as she named them, and made weird faces until Lucy laughed. 

“See, all good!” Harley turned to survey the damage and let out a low whistle like Lucy had on the roof. “Not like those bikes though. I knew we shoulda put them tagether before wrapping them. Well, live and learn.” 

The bikes had taken a couple of other gifts down with them, and now the floor underneath the sleigh and part of the aisle was littered with broken plastic, metal shards, and other various debris. Kicking a couple of teddy bears out of the way, Harley strode over to the sleigh. The rest of the gifts on this side looked pretty stable, but loss of mass on other had caused it to tilt dangerously, and the presents on top were starting to slide towards the floor. Flinging herself over the driver’s bench, Harley plastered herself against the swaying mound.

“Lucy, I need bungee cords, duct tape, rope, anything at all! They’ll probably be around the home improvement section or the garden center. I don’t know how long I’ll be able ta hold this!” Another present thumped into Harley’s back and a line of sweat beaded across her forehead. “Hurry!”

Lucy spun on her heels, and ran smack dab into Ivy who let out a Whoofff before buckling to the ground as the air was knocked out of her. 

“I’m so sorry! The nuns always said I needed to look before I run, not run before I look. You’re turning a funny sort of green, is that normal?” Lucy babbled as Ivy wheezed.

“I’ll be fine as soon as I can breath again.” Ivy gasped out, “did I hear something about the garden center?”

“Yeah! I’m supposed to get rope so Mama doesn’t get crushed by a present avalanche.” Lucy pointed over to where Harley was trying to support the leaning tower of Christmas. Harley gave a little wave. 

“Hi Ivy! I found Lucy!”

Ivy shot her a look, and rose to her feet still clutching her bruised midsection. “I’m not going to even ask how this happened. Let’s just secure this mess and get out of here shall we?”   
“Sounds great, little help here?” A round package slid past Harley’s ear, hit the floor and bounced away. “We may have overdone it.”

Ivy smirked, “Neither one of you knows the meaning of ‘restraint’ do you?” 

Scooping up the miniature holly bush she’d dropped when Lucy rammed into her like a locomotive, Ivy picked her way through the toy carnage to the sleigh. Examining the teetering tower of gifts, she carefully set the plant down behind the driver’s bench without disturbing the delicate balancing act. 

“You may want to let go now. Once I tie this down, it’s not going anywhere until we make the delivery.” 

“I’ll dodge it at tha last second.” Harley shifted her weight to the balls of her feet. “We’re not gonna to lose any more of these today.”

“Alright, but don’t blame me if you spend the ride to the Home lashed to the side like a decoration.” Ivy turned to Lucy, “and you may want to back up a bit as well Sapling.”

Lucy took two steps back practically vibrating with excitement. “Are you going to do your magic thing again?”

“For the last time, it’s not magic.” Ivy corrected, “It’s science.”

Harley cupped a hand over her mouth and stage whispered to Lucy, “We have ta pretend it’s science, otherwise tha wardens of tha magical green realm she comes from will have ta take her home because ordinary people aren't supposed ta know.”

“But we’re not ordinary people! We can know. And we never let some dumb warden take Mom away anyway!” Lucy proclaimed.

“That’s right! We’ll protect you Ivy! Those dastardly magic police will never get through us!”

“Yeah! If they try, we’ll use all the stuff in Mama’s bag on them!” Lucy put her hands on her hips, and puffed out her chest. “They don’t stand a chance!”

“You two…” Ivy ran her fingers through her hair in partly feigned exasperation. 

“Us what?” Harley and Lucy said in unison.

Ivy just shook her head and focused on the task at hand, ignoring her two bright eyed distraction. Concentrating on the plant, Ivy’s skin began to glow as green lights raced down her arms in vine-like patterns. Raising her hands, she traced a series of figures in the air over the holly. When nothing happened immediately, Harley and Lucy both leaned in a bit closer to see what was going on, only to leap backwards the next second as an earsplitting crack came from the sleigh bed. Holly branches suddenly exploded from the sleigh, forcing Harley to nimbly avoid their grasp as they snatched up the items she’d been supporting. Like a conductor overseeing her orchestra, Ivy directed the holly as it spidered out across the rest of the gift stack, anchoring the sides, tying down any oddly shaped parcels, and redistributing items as needed. When she finally stepped back to admire her handywork, the whole sleigh was practically encased in holly. It looked like one of those bags chocolate coins come in had been stretched over the pile, if those bags were made of green leaves and waxy red berries.

Dusting her hands off on her costume, Ivy gave the enveloped sleigh a satisfied nod. “That should hold till we make it to the Home even if Harley drives.”

“Hey!” Harley protested.

“Oh come on. Don’t act like you don’t know why I’m the designated driver.”

“What’d she do?” Lucy wanted to know.

“It was one tiny truck, an’ a very sharp turn. It wasn’t my fault!” Harley complained.

“It was a really big truck that you took on two wheels around a curve and straight into an ice cream store.” Ivy shook her head, “you’re lucky your license was suspended and not completely revoked.”

“Did ya find some way ta move this present mobile?” Harley asked, changing the subject. She rapped her knuckles on one of the metal deer. “As cute as these guys are, I don’t think they’re gonna get us very far.”

Ivy let the truck incident slide. “Actually yes, I did. While you two were busy loading this puppy, I got a bit experimental in the garden center.” She let out a low hum, and something clattered towards them from the darkened depths of the MegaMart. With parade precision, four deer trotted down the main aisle to take up positions before the sleigh. But deer the likes of which had never been seen before. Their bodies rippled with carved muscles as wooden sides of varied shades from pine to deep cherry heaved. Delicate antlers of bone white birch sprouted from each head, matching the hooves that stomped impatiently at the ground. One of the deer turned its head, and polished ebony eyes regarded the group with far too much intelligence.

“You said no ponies earlier, so I went with deer. Rather holiday inspired I think.” Ivy regarded her creations with pride, while Harley and Lucy just gaped at her. “What? You don’t like the deer?”

“You did all of this in an hour?!” Harley waved wildly at the deer who gazed back unconcerned. “How is this even possible?” A thoughtful expression crossed her face. “Can you make kittens? What about puppies? Can you make tons of rolly polly little puppies?”

“We already have two hyenas who destroy the house on a regular basis, no puppies. As to the first question, It really wasn’t that difficult. I just built them all at once from the plants they had lying around.” Ivy tried to look modest, and failed miserably. “They did turn out a bit nicer than I thought they would.”

“I’ll bet you’d get better with practice.” Harley leaned into Ivy, and batted her eyes, “lots of practice.”

“For the last time, no.”

While they were debating the issue, Lucy cautiously approached the nearest deer. Carved from oak with moss feathering at the hooves, and a shaggy ruff at the neck, it lowered its head at whuffled at her outstretched hand. “Can they fly?” she asked, giggling as the deer licked her face. “I like this one, I’m going to name him Zeke.”

“No, but they can run quite fast.” Ivy grabbed Harley by the waist and tugged her towards the traces. “Let’s get these harnessed before that security guard comes back. It may be Christmas, but with all the noise we’ve made, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on his way right now.” 

“Fr, Fr, Freeze!”

Harley squealed and lept into Ivy’s arms as the security guard popped up from behind a display of candy canes. He trained a gun on the pair with shaking hands, and shuffled closer, scattered wrapping paper crinkling under his boots.

“Well speak of the devil.” Ivy muttered.

“Sta, Stay right where you are!” The guard looked like he was about to go into shock. Sweat beaded on his face, and his finger seemed far to jittery on that trigger for Ivy’s liking. She flicked her gaze over to the deer where Lucy was standing frozen beside the newly named Zeke’s foreleg. Lucy met her eyes, and Ivy gave just the barest shake of her head as she made as if to join them. 

“What are you looking at?” The guard glanced towards the sleigh, and Zeke moved smoothly in front of Lucy, blocking her from view. Apparently the plant deer weren’t as much of a threat in his mind, because much to the women’s relief he turned both his attention and his weapon back to them. 

“Hands in the air freaks! Drop any weapons right now!”

“That’s not a very polite way to ask, but ok.” Ivy raised her arms, and promptly dumped Harley on the floor.

“Ow!”

“He said drop any weapons, don’t blame me.” 

“Awe, what a nice thing ta say!” Harley grinned up at Ivy, ignoring the guard completely. “How ‘bout we show him why?”

“I don’t know why you’re robbing us, but you’re not going to get away with it! Not on my watch!” The guard shook his gun at them, “You might fight Batman, but today Larry Bikker is taking you down!”

“Oh, strong words. Think he can back ‘em up?” Harley asked.

“Harley. No.” Ivy kept her hands up, and stepped over Harley towards the guard. “I’ll deal with this. You get the deer hitched, grab Lucy and get out of here. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done.” 

“Don’t, don’t come any closer, you hear me!” Larry shouted. Ivy halted before him, a light green mist seeping from her skin. 

“You don’t really want to hurt me, Larry was it?” Ivy wiggled her fingers. “I’m not armed, I just want to talk. We can talk, can’t we Larry?” The mist swirled around Larry and his eyes went glassy. His gun dropped from suddenly nerveless fingers to the tile with a clatter. 

“There’s a good boy. Now let’s go over here and talk like civilized people while my partner finishes her shopping, hmm?” Ivy took the guard by the shoulders and steered him into one of the Christmas aisles, shooting Harley a thumbs up as she went.

Harley didn’t waste any time. As soon as Ivy disappeared from view, she snatched up the gun. Holding it pinched between her thumb and index fingers, Harley smirked as she noted the still engaged safety mechanism. Then she chucked it into the nearest discount movie bin. 

“Hey kiddo, ready ta bring some Christmas joy to tha city?”

Lucy peeked out from behind Zeke, “Is it safe to come out?”

Harley nodded. Skipping up to the deer, she began to unfasten the harnesses from the animatronics, sending bells jingling with every word as she responded. “Yup. And don’t worry ‘bout Ivy. Dealing diplomatic-like with people is her thing. I tend to go for the more, ‘hands on’ approach.”

“But that man had a gun!”

“Not anymore. Didn’t know how ta use it anyhow.” Harley finished with the last of the traces, and started hitching the plant deer to the sleigh. When she got to Zeke, she squatted down before Lucy and took her by the shoulders. “Look baby, we’re fine, he’s (probably) fine, nothing happened.”

“But it could have.” Lucy sniffed, “I just got a family, I don’t want to lose it!”

Her words impaled Harley’s heart. Sniffing a bit herself, Harley swept Lucy up in a hug. “And you won’t, ‘cause your mom an’ I are going to do everything in our power to keep this family safe. If the Batman can’t keep us down, than a MegaMart guard doesn’t stand a chance!” Wiping the tears off Lucy’s face with her sleeve, Harley grinned at her daughter. “So, you ready ta do this thing or what?”

“Yeah!” Her answering grin was still a bit shaky, but it seemed like the initial shock had worn off. She gave Harley one last hug before dashing off towards the driver’s bench. “I want to ride up front!” Clamoring up the side of the sleigh with a little boost from one of the holly bush branches, Lucy plunked down on the bench and picked up the reins. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

“Uh uh, I’m driving!” Harley adjusted the last buckle on Zeke’s harness and vaulted up beside Lucy. She held out her hand for the reins, and Lucy handed them over reluctantly. 

“Can I not drive just a little?”

“Nope. We already broke SO MANY of our parenting rules tonight. We’ll haveta save underage driving for another time.” Harley braced her feet on the bow, raising the reins in the air. “Hold on ta something. It’s gonna be a wild ride!” 

Lucy wrapped her arms around the bench’s armrest, “Ready!”

“MUSH!” Harley shouted and cracked the reins. The team thrust their heads down and lunged forward, wooden hooves slamming against the tile. Ivy had really done her work well. The plant deer were veritable bulldozers, using either bulk or antlers to remove any obstacles from their path. With ruthless efficiency they trampled down the center aisle towards the main doors, sending merchandise flying in their wake. Shelves began to blur as the sleigh carrened past, bumping over the few items the deer missed. Harley whooped with glee as the sleigh bounced into the air as it over a particularly large display, and the deer put on even more speed. This wild ride was a bit harder on Lucy, as small as she was. But even as her grip on the railing turned white-knuckled, and the sharp jolts threatened to unseat her completely, her smile just grew wider. They were passing the makeup section when the holly plant suddenly lurched to the left dragging the gifts with it. Lucy screamed as the sleigh tipped up onto a single runner, throwing sparks as the metal edge caught the tile. Harley jerked the deer to the right to compensate, and just barely saved the them from falling over completely. A thorny branch whipped over the gift stack right as the second runner met the ground, and Ivy landed between the two girls with a thump. 

“Ow. This cushion does nothing, is there even padding in here?” Ivy rubbed her backside with a wince, Lucy and Harley just stared at her. “What?”

“Little warning next time you decide to nearly capsize us? I love danger, but I REALLY don’t wanna have ta stack all these presents again.” Harley asked.

“Sorry, you were going so fast I couldn’t think of any other way to get on.” Ivy frowned and pumped the seat cushion. “In hindsight it may not have been the best plan.”

Harley snorted and whispered in Ivy’s ear, “Need me to kiss it and make it better?”

“Stop it you!” Ivy nudged Harley, “Eyes on the road.”

“But you’re so distracting, I couldn’t possibly look at anythin’ else.”

Ivy blushed and turned to Lucy who’d been avidly watching the whole scene. “You doing alright there Sapling?”

“YEAH! It's scary, but fun!” Lucy grinned, “I love crushing stuff the most! We bounced so high at one point I thought we were gonna hit the ceiling!” 

Harley whistled and became super busy steering the deer as Ivy took in the lack of seatbelt, wide open sleigh bed, and the trail of commodity carnage in their wake. 

“Sounds great, your mama and I are going to have a nice long talk about it tomorrow.” Ivy promised. The branch that had dropped Ivy slithered out from the back and wound its way over the trio like a roller coaster safety bar. “Let's not lose anyone before then.”

“So I take it the ‘talk’ with that guard went well?” Harley inquired innocently.  
“Yes. He won’t be a problem. In fact, he solved several issues for us, but that’s a conversation best saved for later.” Ivy answered. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to change the subject there.”

Harley wisely didn’t respond. Flicking the reins, she sent the team barreling forward towards the sliding exit doors. Ivy glanced at the towering stack of presents, at the person sized doors, and back at the stack again. “Uh, Harley?”

“Brace yourselves ladies! We’re bustin’ out!” Harley crowed. Leaning as far out as the branch wrapped around her middle would allow, she slapped the reins again urging the deer to max speed. Ivy hastily threw a shield of holly over them as the sleigh plowed through the entrance taking the doors and much of the ceiling above with it. Glass and concrete pounded against the wood, and Ivy gritted her teeth against the strain until the last shard pinged off its surface. There was a horrific metal crunching noise, and Ivy waved the shield off just in time to watch the deer trample the only car in the parking lot. 

“Damn, that guard is havin’ one heck of a night.” Harley remarked, jerking the sleigh so that the runners screeched over the center of the now ruined hunk of metal instead of past it. 

“Oops.”

Ivy craned her neck to look behind them at the trail of devastation as the deer clattered out onto the main road. The entrance of the MegaMart was now a broken wreak of concrete with a trail of pulverized merchandise that spilled from the ragged opening. Glass from the doors was spread like crushed ice over the parking lot snow. There was a loud hissing noise, and a bloom of flame erupted from the car just as they galloped around a corner into the Gotham night. 

“Was that really necessary?” Ivy asked, watching the glow from the fire recced over the rooftops. 

“Yes.” Harley ran a red light, and flashed a rude gesture at a driver who swerved to avoid them. “I’m trin’ ta drive here!” Dashing through a stop sign, she clicked her tongue disparagingly. “You’d never believe the people Gotham will give a driver’s license! It’s like they don’t know tha rules at all!”

“It really is amazing.” Ivy looped two more branches over Lucy for good measure. The sleigh bounced over a pothole, passed three more side streets, and nearly took out some late holiday reveliers (who got some very spirited “advice”), with Harley all the while urging the deer along faster. The buildings around them began to grow taller as they hurtled towards the city center, and Ivy began to have a sneaking suspicion regarding their destination.

A road sign whizzed past to fast to read, but Ivy recognized it anyway. “Harley. We missed the exit for the Home two blocks ago.”

“Oh we did? How clumsy a’ me!” Harley kept driving.

“Harley, we do not have time for this.”

“Time for what?” Lucy wanted to know, “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere Sweetie, Mama just has to make a little bitty pit-stop before we deliver everythin’.”

Ivy folded her arms across her chest and glared at Harley. “I am not doing this again. It’s childish, petty, and an insult to good taste. Not to mention the fact that we are on a timetable right now!”

Harley widened her eyes and blinked innocently, “But it's our Christmas tradition, we can’t not do our Christmas tradition!”

“What tradition?” Lucy bounced in her seat as much as the holly would allow, “Is it fun?”

“It’s the most fun thing ever! Come on Ivy, you gotta do it! For Lucy? For me?” Harley pleaded.

Ivy sighed as Harley yanked the deer to a stop behind the Gotham City Police Department. “Ok. But the bathrooms are off limits this year. I still can’t walk in there without terrible flashbacks.”

“Deal.” Harley wiggled out from under her seat belt, rubbing her hands together gleefully. “They’re gonna love it, I went all out.” She hefted her duffle bag out of the sleigh bed and gestured for Lucy and Ivy to follow. “Ten minutes an’ we’ll be back on the road again, I promise.”

……….

Half an hour later the three pulled into the drive at the Gotham Home for Girls. Snow had been falling steadily the last few hours or so, and small drifts were beginning to form along the edges of the surrounding buildings. Ivy hopped down from the sleigh to untie the gifts and her boots sank up to the ankles. 

“Glad we took the sleigh an’ all. This stuff is gonna be murder fer anythin’ with wheels.” Harley pointed out, looping the reins over the decorative molding of the bow. She helped Lucy down, and jumped into the bed to help Ivy shift the items onto three handcarts she’d woven from the holly now that it no longer had to hold everything in place. 

Breath fogging in the cold, Lucy walked towards the front entrance of the Home and stared up at the dark fifth floor windows. “It’s kinda odd.”

“You say something Lucy?” Harley shook a box experimentally, and something inside shattered. “Oops.”

“No, nothing.” Lucy took one last look at the window before trotting over to her family. “Can I help?”

“Hide this.” Harley passed her the broken object, and passed Ivy another package in its place.

Ivy grunted as she hefted the particularly large object. “What is this? An anvil?”

“Nope, just forty pounds of robotic puppies.” Harley sprung off the the sleigh to help, and together they wrestled the box into the cart with the rest. Wiping her brow, she regarded the towering carts with pride. “Now all we have ta do is get these inside!” 

All three looked at the Home, noting the locked doors, closed windows, and darkened interior. 

“We didn’t really have a game plan for that did we?” Ivy asked. Trudging through the drifts, she tested one of the front windows. “Definitely locked.”

Harley eyed the chimney, and a grin spread across her face. “We could…”

“No.”

“But it’d be like Santa! Like real Santa!” She tugged on Ivy’s sleeve. “Your vines could carry everythin’ up to the roof, and I’d chuck ‘em down the chimney no problem! An’ after they were all inside, I’d slide down myself.”

“It won’t work.” Ivy argued. Neither woman noticed as Lucy walked over to the front door and began rooting around in the snow.

“Why not?”

“Because modern fireplaces have flues, bird mesh, and other such safety precautions. Maybe a couple of hundred years ago a person could easily wiggle their way down a chimney, but even then it wouldn’t have been a full grown adult!” Ivy waved a hand at the roof, “Look at how narrow it is, and how it’s got that little cap on it? It won’t work.”

Lucy’s fingers grasped something and she stood up, object in hand. Turning to the door she began to mess with the lock.

“It’ll work! It always works on tv!” Harley asserted. She skipped over to one of the sad little bushes underneath the closest window and gave it a full body hug. “I’m ready! Just hoist me up, and you’ll see!”

“Uh, excuse me.” 

Ivy crossed her arms. “I will not.”

“Come on, it’s a good plan!” Harley wheedled. 

“Hello?”

“It’s a dumb idea, and get off the poor hydrangea. It’s already had a hard enough winter without someone swinging on it.” Ivy brushed past Harley to take a closer look at the plant she’d latched onto. Picking up one of its drooping branches in her hands, Ivy held it like a doctor taking a patient's pulse. “Someone didn’t plant it in the right spot, there isn’t enough sunlight here.”

“Fine. If the chimney is a no-go, do you have a better idea?” Harley asked.

“HELLO!?” Lucy shouted, and both women turned to see her standing on the front porch of the Home. Stomping one foot impatiently, Lucy pointed at the open door beside her. 

“Welp, the door works for me.” Harley dashed over to the nearest cart, and wheeled it towards the entrance. She tousled Lucy’s hair as she pushed past her into the darkened hall beyond. Lucy pretended to glower, but the expression faltered as a smile flitted across her face when she followed Harley inside.

Taking a couple of minutes, Ivy fed a little power into the hydrangea until it was standing tall again disputed the snow. Dusting off her hands, she called the other two carts to her and followed Harley up the ramp. Inside the front entryway, Harley and Lucy were already pilling gifts as fast as they could manage at the base of the staircase. Each stack was about Lucy’s height, and small gaps had been left between them from the stairs to where they leaned against the far wall. Lucy wasn’t strong enough to lift most of the packages, so Harley had given her a small pouch of silver glitter to spread around while she lifted the heavy ones into place.  
“Ivy! Perfect timin’!” Harley placed the last present from her cart onto the nearest stack, and reached for one from Ivy’s. Pointing to the clear space between the gift stacks, and then at the bare railing of the staircase, Harley wiggled her fingers. “They need a bit of your greenery don’t you think?”

Ivy grabbed a present from a cart and got to work make a little pyramid on the hall table. “I think it does indeed, but did you bring any of my seeds?”

“I had them here, I swear my dear! They’re in tha sac I threw into tha back.” Harley grinned at Ivy over the bike she was carrying. “Be back in a sec, and these halls are yours to deck.” She emptied the last few gifts from the final cart, and dashed out into the drive. Reappearing in the doorway a few moments later with her duffle bag in hand, Harley tossed Ivy a tiny canvas sac. While Ivy started growing living wreaths and garlands, Harley beckoned Lucy over. 

“So, while your mom is workin’ on the decor, I thought it’d be fun to help out a little.” Harley pulled what looked like two super soakers from the duffle. One was bright red, and the other had been painted a shiny black. “Whatda say?”

“What are those?” Lucy tilted her head as she studied the two contraptions.

“These are only the best, and patented, I’d like ta add, confetti guns in tha business!” Harley stroked the barrel of red one. “This bad boy can shoot streamers up to forty feet inta the air, and that’s on a bad day! Want to make a festive mess that’ll take years to get off the ceiling?” 

Lucy grinned. “Can I have the black one?”

“Yes, yes you can!” Harley tossed it to her. “Now let’s get decoratin’!”

The two pointed their confetti guns at the ceiling beams and pulled the triggers.

BANG, BANG

Ivy jumped, the plants she’d been weaving tangled into a knot. The shots echoed throughout the entryway, shaking dust from the rafters above and sending it down amidst a snowfall of red and green streamers. Most of the streamers found a place on one of the beams as intended. While the ones that missed drifted down to settle over Ivy’s handiwork on the bannister, or the piles of gifts below. 

“Are you trying to bust us?” Ivy hissed as she struggled to undo the snarl of evergreen on the newel post. “I think they could hear that in the next city over!”  
“Yes, that was rather loud. I would refrain from further noisemakers in the future if you plan on sneaking about.” Harley, Ivy and Lucy whipped around to see Sister Wendy standing at the top of the stairs. She wore a long grey nightgown that matched the steel of her hair instead of a habit, and her eyes flickered over the entire scene below. Taking in the stacks of gifts, the evergreen boughs laced over the entryway, and the three costumed figures frozen midstep, Sister Wendy mouth quirked into a smile. Plucking a streamer off the railing before her, she held it up to the moonlight. 

“I appreciate what you three seem to be doing here, but I must regret to inform you that the police are on their way. I called them as soon as I heard the shots. It normally takes about ten minutes for them to arrive, so I’d finish up as fast as possible if I were you.” Sister Wendy turned back towards her bedroom and held up a hand in farewell as she went. “Dr. Isley and Dr. Quinzel, this better not become a habit.”

Ivy and Harley gaped as she disappeared down the hall. 

“Did you tell her who we were?” Ivy asked.

“Don’t look at me!” Harley gestured at her outfit. “I’m wearin’ a mask, hat, and full bodied costume. And you’re kinda green right now, an’ most people can’t look beyond that either.”

“Uh, the police are coming. Shouldn’t we go home now?” Lucy squeaked. 

Both of them looked at Lucy in her T-Rex pjs and then at the now empty landing at the top of the stairs. 

“Oh.”

“We’re gonna have to get her something else to wear when we do this next year. Like maybe a tiny reindeer suit? Or a unicorn?” Harley ticked off possibilities on her fingers, “Elves, wizards, snowmen, there are just so many options!”

Ivy scooped up Lucy in one arm, and with the other turned the empty carts into topiaries. “We can decide on that later Harley.”

“Right, right, clean up and escape first.” Harley grabbed the confetti guns and the seeds Ivy had been using and stuffed them into her duffle. Swinging it over one shoulder, she gave the room a final once-over. Red holly berries and streamers decorated the plants draped along every available surface, while piles of colorful gifts mimicked the snowdrifts outside as they clustered against the walls. The whole place smelled like the cinnamon and cloves Ivy had woven amongst that garlands, and sparkled wherever moonlight fell upon the glitter Lucy had thrown. It was a storybook Christmas wonderland come to life.  
“We really do good work.” Harley mused.

“Come on!” Ivy shouted over her shoulder. 

They dashed out into the snow, police sirens already echoing in the distance as they crossed to the sleigh. The deer were practically dancing in place with agitation, wooden hooves striking sparks wherever they met bare pavement. The one Lucy had named Zeke tossed his head angrily at them as they approached, as if to say “What took you so long?”. Harley snatched up the reins while Ivy plopped Lucy onto the bench and wove her a seatbelt in seconds. 

“Ready?” Harley asked, one foot braced on the bow, reins held above her head.

“Ready.” Ivy replied, and lashed herself down next to Lucy. 

“Dash away, dash away, dash away all!” Harley shouted. The reins cracked down, and the team surged forward sending snow flying in their wake. As they pulled out of the drive, Lucy turned back to get one last look at the Home, and her eyes widened in surprise. Every window was lit from within as tiny faces with mouths agape pressed up against the glass to catch a glimpse of the sleigh. From the open front door screams of delight echoed as the presents and decorations were discovered, and the recipients’ names drifted after the sleigh on the wind as they were called out. A few of the older, braver girls spilled outside just as the deer rounded the end of the street. Rosy cheeked from the cold and excitement, the girls waved goodbye, and one cupped her hands over her mouth to be heard over the approaching police as she yelled.

“Merry Christmas Santa!”

The Home vanished behind a row of townhomes, and Lucy settled back against the bench beside her new family feeling some unfamiliar emotion wash over her with every ringing hoofbeat. It was pleasant. A kind of light bubbly sensation, almost like happiness, but to complex to be called that. Harley leaned over to say something to Ivy that caused her to chuckle and Lucy felt the bubbles dance as a smile rose to her lips.

“I’m glad they liked it.” Ivy flung one arm over Lucy and squeezed lightly. “We did a good thing tonight.”

“And several not so good things with tha best of intentions!” Harley whooped. 

“Yes. We’re going probably need to work on that.” Ivy remarked, and snagged Harley by the collar for a kiss. “Merry Christmas Harley.”

“Merry Christmas Pam!” Harley kissed her right back, lingering at it long enough for the deer to hit a trash can on the curb before breaking it off with a laugh. 

“Gotta remember, more driving, less smooching. But one more can’t hurt.” Harley blew a kiss towards Lucy. “Merry Christmas to you Jellybean! Here’s to the many adventures we’re gonna have in the future!”

“It may have been kind of crazy, and maybe not what you thought it would be, but I hope you had fun tonight.” Ivy gave Lucy another squeeze. “Merry Christmas Sapling.”

“Merry Christmas.” Lucy responded, heart pounding as the little bubbles of feeling danced inside her chest. And no matter how cold the wind blew, it couldn’t dim the warmth that infused her soul at that moment.


	7. Epilogue: New Beginnings

“And so that’s why you should never mix explosives with molten sugar.” Harley finished. 

Lucy was suitably impressed. “I didn’t know candy canes could explode.” She looked down at the red and white striped cane in her mug of cocoa. “Is it safe to drink this?”

“Harley didn’t make it, so you’re safe.” Ivy soothed, and ducked the pillow Harley aimed at her head. 

The three of them were curled up together underneath a fuzzy snowman patterned blanket on the couch in front of the tv drinking cocoa, or in Harley’s case, just drinking. Bud and Lou were in their customary spot before the fireplace snoring off their early christmas turkey, while Zeke the plant reindeer was leaning against the armrest of the sofa munching on the marshmallows Lucy passed his way. Lucy paused in her feeding to grab another cookie off the coffee table, and Zeke let out a little bellow. 

“Lucy, I don’t think all that sugar is good for him.” Harley eye’d the reindeer across the couch. “I’m not gonna be the one who cleans up after him if he gets sick.”

“He’ll be fine, but Harley is right. You shouldn’t spoil him like that.” Ivy said. “I agreed you could keep him on the condition that he behaves, and begging is not proper behavior.”

“Alright. No more marshmallows for you Zeke.” Lucy patted his head. 

Zeke looked particularly mournful at this news, and settled down beside the sofa with a huff. Shifting so that his back was to Lucy, he pointedly avoided looking anywhere besides the tv set. 

The clock in the hall chimed, and Ivy grabbed for the remote. “Everybody quiet down! The show's about to start!”

“Oohhh, I can’t wait to hear what they say this year!” Harley leaned forward as Ivy changed to the local news channel. “I’ll bet they blame the riddler. Ten dollars says they pin it ta him!”

“Sshhhh!” Ivy hissed, and turned up the volume. A large seven flashed across the screen over a picture of the Gotham skyline before cutting away to reveal a dark skinned anchorwoman seated behind a desk. 

“Good morning Gotham, and merry Christmas! This is Kathy Cho reporting for Channel Seven at Five, bringing you the latest and the greatest from our city. But before we bring you our main stories tonight, there’s breaking news at GCPD. For more lets go to our two reporters on the scene. Amy? What’s going on out there?” 

The shot switched to a view of the street outside the GCPD precinct. A reporter dressed in a green overcoat swept her ponytail over one shoulder and pointed to the building behind her. Flashing lights of at least ten cars illuminated the precinct’s snow covered parking lot, casting blue and red across the graffiti scrawled over the stone entryway. As the camera rolled, the doors burst open, and four officers flung themselves into the snow laughing uncontrollably. Purple smoke billowed from the hall beyond, causing all of the people behind the barricade scuttled a few feet backwards. A hazmat crew was called in, and they dashed into the building just as the medic team reached the fallen officers.

“I’m Amy Banks, and It’s chaos out here folks! For the fifth year in a row, the Christmas bandit, or bandits, have hit the GCPD hard. Around four this morning one of the officers assigned to the night shift came back after finishing her rounds to find the grounds trashed the all of the occupants of the building unconscious. Our own Jim Lousa is inside with more details. Jim?”

“It’s a mess in here Amy, and we haven’t even made it past the first floor!” The camera cut away to a reporter in a hazmat suit. He was standing in the main lobby of the precinct beside the front desk, while the real hazmat crew swept the area. Purple mist hung low in the air, drifting along the bottoms of the desks and file cabinets strewn with glitter. Whenever one of the crew opened a drawer or moved a box trying to locate the source of the gas, their hands came away glittery. Within minutes the entire team sparkled under the precinct lights. The Christmas tree in the center of the lobby had been sculpted into the shape of two men embracing. One sported pointy ears and a cape, while the other wore glasses and a GCPD uniform. Paint splattered the floor underneath graffiti covering any exposed bit of wall. The text itself displayed messages as varied as Comish Gordon + Batman = Love, to Donuts 4 Life in bubble lettering. The graffiti didn’t just stop at words. Every other message was accompanied by an illustration, and they ranged from comedic to downright naughty. The camera lingered on a particularly well rendered caricature of Batman chugging eggnog, and Ivy punched Harley lightly on the shoulder. 

“I didn’t even see you do that one!”

“Gettin’ faster every year.” Harley replied with a grin. “You should see what I did in the interrogation room. No way they show those on tv. Good job with the tree by the way!”

“Thank you, I thought it was quite inspired.”

“Shhhh… I want to see if they open it!” Lucy put a hand over each of their mouths.   
Harley and Ivy obediently shut up as the hazmat crew on the tv walked cautiously around a large present placed inside one of the offices. 

“We’ve found what could be a bomb here folks.” Jim narrated, the camera zooming in on the package as various bomb detection instruments were waved over it. “So far no positive readings, but this team is not leaving anything to chance. I’ve been told that the protocol in this situation is that all possible explosives must be ruled out before they handle a suspicious object. And this Gotham crew is the best there is in this city.”

Just as Jim finished, one of the crew grabbed a broom from behind the door and poked the package with the handle. Everyone leapt back when the wrapping paper crinkled, but when nothing more sinister happened, the guy with the broom walked slowly over to the box. With the gentlest of movements, he eased the lid open.

“Moment of truth here.” Jim’s hands were white on the microphone.

Nothing happened. No boom, no shower of confetti, nothing. The hazmat guy stared into the box for a long moment, and as the camera zoomed in he reached inside. Cupping an object in his gloved hands, he held it up for all to see. Nestled among the orange fabric of the suit was a tiny kitten plushie wearing a Santa hat. The whole room breathed a collective sigh of relief. Jim turned back to the camera as the crew carefully bagged the toy as evidence and moved on to the next room.

“Once the team finishes sweeping the building for hazardous materials, the GCPD will be able to move in to collect whatever evidence they can before the cleaning begins. All told, I expect that this process take the next two weeks at least. I’ll be here to keep you updated as this story develops. This is Jim Lousa with Channel Seven News reporting from the GCPD where the Christmas Bandit has struck once again. Back to you Kathy.”

“Thank you Jim. We will check back with him in a hour, but for now, let's get to the other top stories this morning.” Kathy tapped a stack of papers on the desk, and small screen on her right lit up with a glorious photo of a blackened crater in the earth. 

“Yesterday the parking garage at Blakely’s Institute exploded. The cause of the explosion is still under investigation, but in a surprising turn of events the headmistress has been placed under arrest on suspicion of drug trafficking. Officers on the scene uncovered an illegal narcotics lab underneath the garage when sifting the rubble for possible accelerates. According to all reports the lab was well used, with stores of both raw materials and finished product at hand. The headmistress has pleaded not guilty to the charges and is awaiting trial early next month.”

Harley snorted. “If she’s innocent, then I’m the president.”

“Who was that? Did you know her?” Lucy asked.

“She was a rather rude woman. We’d all have been better off not knowing her.” Ivy grumbled. “But she sowed the seeds, and now she has reaped the rewards.”

“An’ we have the tape to watch forever an’ always?”

“That we do.” Ivy plucked a dvd off the coffee table and tossed it to Harley. “It’s pretty juicy. Love the part where she gets dragged off in handcuffs.”

“Karma baby. Karma.” Harley high-fived Ivy.

“I don’t get it.” Lucy looked confused, and Harley leaned over and kissed her forehead.

“Not important. Got any more marshmallows? I really want a snack for this next one.” Harley asked changing the subject. Lucy handed the bag over, and Harley stuffed a fistfull into her face as a picture of the MegaMart flashed onto the screen.

“Last night three individuals broke into the downtown MegaMart causing thousands of dollars in damages, but there is a surprise twist to the story. For more we go to Jason Warren outside the Gotham Home for Girls.” 

The camera cut to the decorated lobby of the Home, where several of the girls were playing on the floor with their new toys. The reporter was standing a little bit to the side with a well-dressed man and woman so that the topiaries at the base of the stairs framed them nicely while still keeping the children in the shot.

“Thanks Kathy. I’m here outside the Gotham Home for Girls with Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle who have just surprised everyone with their latest Christmas stunt. As many of you know, the Wayne foundation chooses a charity every year to donate to around Christmas time, and it’s become a tradition to make the reveal a bit of an event. Bruce, how do you keep coming up with such fresh new ideas each time?”

“It’s a tough job, but we like to try to make things original.” Bruce responded smoothly.

“And boy did you ever!” Jason clapped him on the back, and Bruce looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in that moment. “Folks if you haven’t seen this yet, it’s a real treat. Take a look.”

Recorded footage from a parking lot camera showed a sleigh drawn by four reindeer and loaded to near bursting with presents smashing out of the MegaMart entrance before dashing off into the night. A laced together montage of traffic cams and shaky cellphone videos showed the sleigh’s wild progress through the heart of the city to the Home where three figures in santa hats, one a whole lot smaller than the rest, unloaded the sleigh and carried the gifts inside. While the deer and the sleigh seemed to be the main focus in most of the footage, by some miracle whoever had been filming around the Home missed capturing Ivy’s use of power along with a clear shot of any of their faces. The screen switched back to Jason, and he turned again to Bruce.

“What a ride! I just wish we could have gotten more of it on film. Tell us, what made you go with the sleigh? And how on earth did you train the deer to do those stunts?”

“Note to self. Check the surroundin’ area for humans with phones next time.” Harley mused. “We were so focused on shuttin’ down the MegaMart cameras we completely forgot about doin’ tha same around the Home.” 

“You’re lucky they didn’t catch our little pitstop at GCPD.” Ivy pointed out. “We could be going to jail for vandalism right now if things had gone just a bit differently.” 

“Agreed. Sleigh rides an’ stealth do not mix.”

“Lesson learned, now shhh. I want to hear what Bruce is going to say.” They both fell silent as Bruce cleared his throat.

“Well the whole affair was a bit of a surprise to me, you really need to ask my lovely wife how it was done. She’s the one who made everything possible.” Bruce deflected, and Selina shot him a look as the microphone was turned on her.

“My husband is far too modest. He really deserves more of the credit than he lets on.” Selina purred, “He knows how dear children are to my heart, and he went above and beyond to give these girls a Christmas they’ll never forget.” Wrapping an arm around Bruce, she pulled him closer and gazed lovely up at him as she changed the subject. “In fact, after having seen for ourselves the state of this institution and after consultation with the dear Sister Wendy, the Wayne Foundation has decided to form an endowment for the Gotham Home for Girls so that these children may receive the best education and care possible while they wait for their new families.”

The reporter beamed, no doubt thinking of the ratings this announcement was going to produce. “Such a generous gesture! The Wayne Foundation has never taken such a vested interest in one of the charities before, what changed this time?”

“As the saying goes, children are the future, and if we do not nurture the seeds of tomorrow, what purpose do we play upon this earth?” Selina replied, and so quickly that many would have missed it, she winked at the camera. “Some friends of mine brought the Home to our attention, and the rest is history.”

“Well I for one cannot thank the Wayne Foundation enough. Their generosity will allow us to fully focus on finding families for our girls.” Sister Wendy cut in. “Now Sister Margaret has been baking since last night and her gingerbread is legendary. May I invite you all into the parlor for an early breakfast?” She gestured to the room behind her, and Bruce latched onto the suggestion with almost palpable relief. 

“That sounds lovely, we will gladly take you up on your kind offer.” Bruce offered his arm to Selina who took it with a smile. Turning to the reporter, he quirked one eyebrow. “Mr. Warren, would you and your crew care to join us?”

“Gingerbread and a personal interview with the Waynes? I wouldn’t miss it.” 

“That’s not quite…”

Jason stepped in front of Bruce, ignoring his protests. “This is Jason Warren reporting to you live from the Gotham Home for Girls. Check back later for this station’s exclusive with Bruce Wayne where we bring you more details on the foundations plans for this institution’s future. For now, back to you Kathy.” The last image from the Home before it faded back to the newsdesk was of Bruce Wayne’s glare boring a hole into Jason’s suit as the group entered the parlor.

Kathy opened her mouth to introduce the weather, and Ivy shut off the tv. 

“Hey! I wanted to see what they were gonna make Bruce say!” Harley complained. “That reporter was pushy. I liked him.”

“We can watch him scramble for explanations later. For now I think we’re all overdue for a rest.” Ivy stretched, and leaned back against the couch yawning. “We brought a criminal to justice, outwitted Gotham’s finest for the fifth year running, and made a real difference for a bunch of underprivileged kids. If that doesn’t constitute a job well done, I don’t know what does.”

“And we did it as a family too. Don’t forget that.” Harley pointed out. Leaping across the couch, she tackled Ivy and Lucy in a bear hug and nuzzled both of them. “There were some ups and downs, but now that we’re all here together, there isn’t anything on earth that could stop us!”

“I’m not sure I’d go that far.” Ivy cautioned, “Saying things like that in this day and age is just inviting an alien invasion or the next time continuum breach.”

“Well if either one of those things decides ta mess with my family, I’m gonna make them wish they were never born.” 

Ivy smiled and rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t make sense, but I get the idea.” Picking Lucy up, she slipped under Harley’s arm and headed down the hall towards Lucy’s bedroom. Harley followed, sneaking Zeke another marshmallow as she went. Together they tucked Lucy in as the first rays of sunlight kissed the Gotham skyline. Snuggling under the circus patterned comforter, Lucy blinked sleepily up at her new parents. 

“Promise you won’t go on any adventures without me?” 

“We won’t be going anywhere else this morning Jellybean besides our bed.” Harley promised. Bending down she kissed Lucy’s cheek.

“And when we wake up, we are going to go eat lunch at a nice restaurant, and then go see a movie or something.” Ivy said, and kissed Lucy’s other cheek. “No more adventures for a while. We have all the time in the world now, and we can take it as slow as we please.”

“Ok.” Lucy smiled. “We can rollerskate, get ice cream at the docks, go to the museums and you can meet my teachers at school! It’s going to be fun.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Harley gave her a final squeeze, and together she and Ivy turned off the light. “Sweet dreams Jellybean.”

“Goodnight.” Lucy replied. Harley and Ivy eased the door shut behind them. In the darkness, Lucy rolled over to face the curtained window. Closing her eyes, she whispered with a barely perceptible voice.

“I love you.”

In their own bed, Harley and Ivy laid side by side, the events of the day still rushing through their heads. They’d stripped out of their costumes, got into pajamas, locked all the doors, made sure that the animals were settled in for the ‘evening’, and even pulled the sunshades over the skylights, which basically never happened. Ivy’s side of the bed was the only place in the house left uncovered so that she could recharge. Yet even with all of this preparation neither woman could find sleep as the sun made slow progress across the blankets. Propping herself up on one elbow, Harley lifted her sleep mask and frowned.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I.” Ivy sat up in bed. Pulling her knees to her chest, she traced a pattern in the sunlit comforter with one finger. “Whenever I try to drift off I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something. I know in reality that I haven’t, but that feeling is keeping me up all the same.”

Harley paused as she considered that herself. “I know whatcha mean. I keep havin’ the funniest feeling that I may have left the stove on. Then again, I probably turned it off.” She shrugged. “Who knows really?”

“Not that kind feeling, something bigger than that.” Ivy scooted around to face Harley. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Like a sink with a leaky faucet?” Harley suggested. “Every second another drop of water steadily trickles away, leaving you that much thirstier and making your water bill grow exponentially?”

Ivy raised an eyebrow. “Odd choice of example, but yes, kind of. More like a suspense movie though. You know something bad is coming, but you don’t know when, or how it will happen.” Stress deepened the lines in her forehead as she looked at Harley. “Is it just in my head? We got off scott free from all of our holiday shenanigans, for once neither of us is running from the law, and we have Lucy who is safe and sound. So why do I keep feeling like the other shoe is about to drop?

“You’re just worried about Lucy.” Harley diagnosed, “That kinda thing is really typical in new parents. You want to make sure that she’s safe, and the relative helplessness of sleep makes you fear that you won’t be able to save her if she needs it.” Harley reached over and gently squeezed Ivy’s restless hand on the comforter. “We have a whole house full a’ monster plants and two attack hyenas that will protect Lucy with their lives. No sane person, or even insane person, would cross us without having second thoughts. She’s safer in this house than anywhere else in Gotham.”

“Theoretically.” Ivy flopped back onto the pillows and stared at the frost etched across the skylight above. “But I still worry Harley. We have a lot of enemies in this city, and at any movement they could choose to take revenge on us for some past slight. I can’t have our daughter caught in the crossfire.”

Harley flopped down beside her and sighed. “I guess I hadn’t thought about that. God, why did you have to bring that up!” Hugging one of the pillows to her chest, Harley glared up at the cheerful blue sky. “Gotham isn’t good enough for Lucy.”

“Should we move?” Ivy asked. “I have some friends in Louisiana who might be able to suggest a good place. Alternatively I’ve heard that Oregon and Washington State are both lovely. Lots of forests and coastline to explore.”

“We could. But that almost seems like giving up.” Harley squished her pillow into nothingness. “If losers like Penguin or Riddler found out we’d quite town, our reps would never recover!”

“We put the criminal thing behind us.” Ivy reminded.

“So say the girl who didn’t think twice before breaking into the Courthouse.”

“That was different and you know it.”

“Was it really though?”

Ivy chose to ignore the last comment. “Well if we don’t move, what do you suggest we do?” 

Harley bounce up with a dangerous gleam in her eye that Ivy knew all too well, and held up two fingers. “Two options. One, we wait. Forever in fear that somebody is gonna crash in an’ take out their built up resentment for us on Lucy. Or two, we take a more ‘proactive’ approach.” She said, making little quotation marks in the air.

“Meaning?” Ivy sat up as well. Swiveling to face Harley, she mimed the quotation gesture back at her. “What sort of ‘proactive’ measures are we talking about here?”

Harley grinned. “Tha kind with giant hammers, an’ a whole lot a’ vigilante justice.” She grabbed Ivy by the shoulder with one hand and swept the other in a dramatic arc. “Imagine. You and me on a rooftop at night with our enemies in the streets below. They look up just as a flash a lightnin’ arcs across the sky, illuninatin’ our majestic figures as our capes billow in tha midnight air. Our mere presence will strike such terror in their hearts that they’ll surrender before we even have ta kick their teeth in. Can you imagine it, Red? Can ya?” 

Ivy quirked an eyebrow. “We are not becoming Batman.”

Harley shook her head. “Not Batman, but LIKE Batman.” She snorted, “He may be like tha king of sneakin’ up on people, really good at the detective stuff, and nearly indestructible for some reason, but when it comes ta gettin’ criminals off tha streets, he’s got a terrible track record.” 

“I don’t know about that. He’s certainly put us behind bars enough times.” Ivy pointed out.

“Exactly!” Harley snapped her fingers. “He puts his enemies behind bars and they always get out! If tha point is ta make Gotham a safer place, then I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to even entertain tha possibility of MY foes gettin’ loose. So we be like Batman, but more effective.”

“And by that you mean we permanently dissuade anyone from ever crossing us.” A slow smile spread across Ivy’s face. “I think I can work with that. But there is one large glaring flaw. We can’t just go around killing everyone, that will only bring things to both Batman and the cops’ attention.”

Harley waved a dismissive hand. “I didn’t say kill anybody. Just maim, break, mind alter, that sorta thing. We won’t arrest ‘em, just put tha fear on ‘em until they decide ta take their operations elsewhere.”

“That is not a bad plan. If we start high, take out a few of the mob bosses, or another supervillain like Penguin, then many of the henchmen will quit town just to find new jobs. And if I get to work on it, I’m certain I can come up with a substance to make them more susceptible to a location change as well.” Ivy mused. “With the two of us and Batman cleaning up this city, we could be the next Metropolis in a few years.”

“Yeah! And then all of the heroes will have ta acknowledge what a great job we did, an’ we’ll get medals, invitations to birthday parties, tha works!”

“Probably not going to happen, but I like where your head’s at.” Ivy locked eyes with Harley across the bed. “Really bright this morning isn’t it.” 

“So bright and cheery I don’t think I’m gonna sleep for hours.” Harley agreed.

Ivy flung off the covers and dashed towards the closet. “Last one in costume has to clean the bathroom!”

“Awe no fair! You just haveta grow yours!” Harley hollered after her. 

Springing off the bed, she followed just as the first sounds of morning began to filter in from the city outside. Christmas bells chimed amidst the car horns and the pealing police sirens in the distance. While people trudged through the snowy streets about their business, totally unaware of the changes brewing in that penthouse at the heart of Gotham.

The End...For Now.


End file.
